victim mentalityI’m going to warn you right now, this is going to be a tough blog post to read but, it’s a blog you need to read, if you’re going to make lasting changes in your life. First, let’s talk about victim mentality. Victim mentality is constantly searching for reason why people have wronged you.

Here are 3 signs you may need to start taking more responsibility.

1 – Someone Else Is Always To Blame

Is there always something external causing your life to go wrong?

Do you feel like you’re only reacting and then everything blows up. For example, your partner doesn’t clean the dishes so you don’t make the bed. Do you feel you’re always being attacked?

Are people are always doing things to you?

Attitudes like this are taking on the victim mentality. The victim mentality means you’re not taking responsibility for any action that you’ve done. I’ve heard many variations of it. A woman recently told me she would have done things for her ex-boyfriend, if he did these things back to her. Victim mentality. Something is always happening to them…

2 – There Is Always Something Wrong

Something always seems to be happening to them, doing or getting done to them. They’re always getting cheated on…

They’re never meeting the right guy…

Guys always abandon them after three dates…

They’re only sleeping with a guy who doesn’t want them. Nothing ever seems to work out for them.  It’s the victim mentality. These people don’t think they have any responsibility in anything happening in their lives. They’re not the cause and effect of their actions. People are constantly doing things to them, and they’re innocent victims.

 3 -You Feel Victimized

There’s no innocent victim in life. All right, of crime, there’s a lot of those, physical violence. There are two victims in this world. But in relationships, you’re never an innocent victim.  You’re the cause and effect of everything you’ve ever done, in all your relationships.

You are 50% responsible for everything that happens in your relationships.

The man didn’t do anything to you.  You allowed him to do the things to you. Your actions caused him to have actions, which in turn, caused the two of you to have a relationship that became dysfunctional. You see, when you think of yourself as the victim, you’re never looking in the mirror, and taking full responsibility for anything you have done to cause the rift in your relationship.

Isn’t it better to know you’re the cause and effect of everything happening in your life?

Don’t you want be in control?

If you treated somebody poorly, it’s not because they did something to you.  It’s because you chose to treat them poorly. Maybe you felt justified, but you knew it was wrong and you did it anyway. Simply owning up to it means you can control the eventual outcome. We all make choices.

We’re all triggered by each other. Whenever we’re in any type of relationship, there are two drivers, two passengers. We take turns driving the car, we take turns being a passenger in the car, but we are not victims to the outcome of the relationship. Every action, every choice, everything we do is cause of cause and effect. The things we do to each other cause the other person to react in a certain way.

You have to go to the source. You have to engage and stop playing the victim.  The victim mentality doesn’t work.