1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.
I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.
Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.
I used to be a person that would wait until some other day to actually approach a woman instead of just going at it. And it's so true what David said in the podcast that if you're that type of person that didn't approach a lady that day and says to himself,''Oh it's okay. I have next week to do it.'' Well let me say that you're 150% wrong! Why? Because when next week comes along, you still aren't gonna approach the lady that you wanted to talk to. So when you see an opportunity, just take it.
Working in retail I see a lot of people I used to be a people greeter and see many a people come in and ask for our mobile chairs yes Supercenter Wal Mart is a big place. So I am cordial to people and respect them like the day I seen you with Daphne in California it does not cost anything to be polite to people.
This does not apply to the blog but this is what gets me a scenario a guy comes to visit me and the neighbors see him come into my place what is the first thing they think? OOOPS! there goes the gossip I bet their in there having sex and etc. Merry Christmas to you and all the gang....luv n hugs....
Oh before I forget I see guys come in and I will speak to them and there are some I speak to at work it does not matter to me if they are good looking or ugly. We are who God created us to be....
Hey David, I'm glad to see the return of Podcast Wednesday. But wait a minute, didn't you say they would be bi-monthly now?
I remember a few years ago, back when I was living in Japan, I saw a fellow foreign guy on the train to work. I would see this gentleman every day for weeks. He was well dressed, handsome, skinny, and when I saw him, I automatically categorized him as a selfish, self-absorbed yuppie, and I didn't want to talk to him.
Worse, most of my experiences with others of my fellow foreigners had been mostly negative, so that further colored my preconceptions.
Then one day we found ourselves sitting next to each other on the train, and me being my foolish stubborn self, kept silent as I read my book. And then he decided to talk to me, and thankfully I was able to live in the moment and respond to his kindness in kind. It turned out that this fellow from Toronto was a very personable and curious individual, and not at all what I had imagined him to be.
I live in South Korea now, and I still keep in contact with him. In fact, he is one of my top five favorite people. He is married now to a beautiful Japanese woman who is every bit as sweet as she is pretty. Last summer, I was able to visit him and had the pleasure of meeting his lovely infant daughter.
Friends, David is right on the money with this! Even if you DID have a bad experience with a fat person, don't let it color your judgement when you meet another fat person. If it weren't for my Canadian friend's openness, I would have missed out on a great friendship all because of my foolish preconceptions.
Past experiences do not dictate future events.
Take it easy,
Brandon
P.S.: David, thanks for this podcast. I was having a tough day at work, and this put me in a better mood.
I agree with you cause for the past couple years I was that guy that judged people before I got to really know them but I have been working on improving myself but it takes awhile to rewire your thinking. But one thing that I still do is when it came to girls I date cause for me I care more about the physical aspects of girls like looks and having great bodies but I have had quite a few women that are definately not what I look for some are slightly overweight or just not really attractive and they ask me out and I tell them I appreciate the interest but I'm not interested they kinda get defensive and ask why and I try to be nice and just say your just not my type and they get pissed off and say you don't even know me and just walk off calling me shallow and a asshole. But can you really say that I was a snob I mean there could have been a better way to say no but everyone has standards and if someone asks you out that your not attracted to you have the right to say no without being called a snob.
It is impossible to change the majority of peoples opinions from first impressions, that they garner from an individual. This will take a long time for modern, industrialized, civilization to change. Human nature, is to judge others, and formulate an immediate first impression. This comes from our instinct of survival for fight or flight, from millions of years of existance in dangerous surroundings. Fat, unhealthy, weak and sickly looking individuals, were a liability, and to be discarded, and shunnded, by the overall group, so as not to jeopordize the whole,for survival. Healthy, vibrant, strong, fertile looking, individuals, were recruited, idealized, and prized by the group. Don't underestimate the importance of instinct borne from millions of years of evolution. This is why it is so important to work on our appearance, health, facial expressions, dress, style,and general "approachability". It will take a lot of people like you, David, to gradually change the way people think, and behave about people that don't meet the ideal social acceptance of the majority of the group. Good Job in pointing this out.
I remember last week I was at a latin party. I had a blast, and was talking to everyone, the photographers, guys, girls, you name it. There were some girls/guys whom I did not approach, due to their "don't talk to me" facial expression. Or so I perceived.
This podcast reminded me to just talk to people, regardless of their facial expression.
How many times do we look like we don't want to be talked to, someone approaches us and starts a conversation and all of a sudden we are in a better state?
I know that I am a serious guy, and often have a serious facial expression.
There are some people who think I am stuck up, and that I would not be the kind of guy that talks to everyone.
Just because THEY think so, does not make it so...
Farley- you make a great point here. I remember times when I didn't want to approach the person b/c they just didn't seem open to me approachign them. Have you ever approached someone even though part of you didn't want to talk to to them?
Wygant, I believe and agree with you in this aspect of the cranial lobes thaught process when it comes to humans. Why do we all do this? As a med-student none of us could figure this out. Being judgemental towards people is just down right a felony. Even though, as guilty of it as you and I are both as well, we still are humans. I do agree with the act of not being closed minded. You never do know what happend in that persons day? Maybe they do have a condition, life is a condition as we speak.... I would love to
Here you response on this please and tell me what you think?
Thx... Ace, UMKC 2nd year medical student
Yes, we shouldn't judge so quickly based on first impressions; that's true.
But it's also human nature, something that is not likely to change about society any time soon.
What we need to do, both men & women is, to the best of our ability, even when we've had a lousy day, is to be positive and greet people with a smile. Not easy to do sometimes, especially when you've had a bad day, but your best chance of meeting new people & making new friends, including someone you might want to date is to BE & LOOK APPROACHABLE.
There are a lot of girls who I have to admit I didn't approach because they looked either bitchy or really stuck up and snobby because of their facial expression or body language or both. If someone looks pissed off and grouchy and even sounds like it too, how many people do you think will want to approach him or her and talk to them? That's right, zero!
I know what you've said David about what to say when standing in line at the Whole Foods, Starbucks, check out line. Like the old lady David spoke to. "Why are you so angry today?" or something like that. But no one really wants to approach & talk to an angry person or someone who seems snobby either.
So basically, what I'm saying is, men & women, if you're wondering why you're not being approached by people out in public, it may be because of the negative energy you're putting out. And that first impression you're giving from your face, voice and definitely body language. And yes, your clothes too. You don't have to be some dandy type guy or clothes horse type wearing a 3 piece suit and Rolex, but if you have nicer stuff to wear, but you habitually dress & look like a slob, you're not going to give the most favorable impression either. If you don't have much money to spend on clothes, that's okay, and definitely understandable! Especially in this economy. But if you can do better, then do that, because it will make you look neater and like you have it together more.
Bottom line? Judging from first impressions alone, is a fact of life folks. But you can use that to your advantage, or in your favor by choosing to make yourself more approachable. Also, working out to look healthier & fitter. If your health & physical abilities allow, then by all means, start doing what you can in that way too.
Clint,
Tons of times.
I approached them anyway, because of curiosity and wanting to learn something from them. But also to get myself out of the negative state of not wanting to talk to someone. I don't care if the person is attractive or not, male or female, homeless or not. There is something to learn about another person from every interaction, they might even teach me something I don't know, an insight on a certain topic, etc.
I think people like to judge and stereotype because it appears to be a valid excuse for them not to take action.
Eg. I don't want to go up to her, because she is beautiful and I'm sure that they would have plenty of people who approach her. How do you know?
Biggest tip I see here is that "your perceptions need to be open". Byron katie often jokes about the fact that "no two people have ever met" - meaning people are so involved in their own minds and filters that they can't really see what is truly in front of them.
Great podcast david!
Majority of attractive women tend to berate men who show genuine interest by looking down on them with contempt and disgust, and calling them dogs, perverts, creeps, rapists and any other evil thing they can dredge up from the wells of their conscience. When same attractive women finally encounter mwn whom they find attractive, those men may not inclined to approach her because many another women with the same mentality had insulted them, destroyed their self esteems and given them very horrible experiences.
Women cannot generalize all men and punish them for doing what is only a natural response the perpetual question that is the survival of our species. Granted - some men are jerks. Some are aggressive and do not take no for an answer. But there are many others who would respect women as long as women demonstrate that they are deserving of such respect.
When a woman rejects a man's genuine interest with an unwarranted level of hostility and disrespect, she is simply announcing to the world her level of immaturity. The older she is - the more embarrassing it is for a by-stander.
I used to be morbidly obese. I'm not anymore, and it is amazing how people's perceptions have changed. I'm seen as so much more intelligent than I was. How I found David's site (I'm married and not looking) is it started being disconcerting how often I was being approached by men, particularly in comparison to how I was ignored in the past. So I started researching the how-to-get-men/women sites and began doing the opposite of what people like David say. I'm doing less of the opposite now, as I've been maintaining my significant loss for a couple of years and am more comfortable with the attention and more comfortable in my thin(ner) skin. So, although stereotypes aren't cool, there is some biological basis for them. My husband is dramatically happier with me; men are so visual. I think it's one thing, though, to think fat people are stupid and lazy (they're not necessarily); it's another to realize that they're just less physically appealing to a given individual.
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