Have you ever found yourself in a relationship in which the frustration level and the number of times you butt heads with each other seems to increase by the second?  You say blue, she says red and the fights just seem to be going in circles.

If the answer is yes, then you may be at what I call “the breakup point.” Here are seven signs that your relationship may be past the point of fixing. Whether you are married, living together or just dating, these breakup signs are usually loud and clear.

  1. You Don’t Understand Each Other Anymore: The breakup point is the point in the relationship where the fighting escalates to a place where you no longer feel like you’re understood by your partner.  All of a sudden the sex stops, the communication stops, and you are living like roommates. You get into that dynamic when you’re at the point in a relationship where you are trying to understand each other, but you get so frustrated because you feel like you just don’t understand each other anymore. This is a breakup point.
  1. The Relationship Dynamic Shifts: When you get to the point of no longer understanding each other, what happens is that you end up just kind of coexisting in that new dynamic.  The longer you stay in that dynamic and the further away you get from the dynamic you had during the early part of the relationship, the less likely it is that you’ll ever get it back (and, after a point, you won’t).

At that point, you’ll never go back to the original dynamic. Resentment builds and you get in your head too much.  You are no longer about feelings, and you start really punishing each other. “Well, she hasn’t done this for me, so I’m not going to do this for her” are the kind of thoughts that take root. When your relationship gets that way, you hit the critical point or you hit the breakup point.

  1. The Critical Relationship Elements Deteriorate: Being in this dynamic also leads to a lot of the parts of your relationship deteriorating. The sex decreases. The communication decreases. Maybe you stop kissing each other goodbye or stop texting each other during the day. However it manifests itself, when you get to this place you are at the breakup point.

It is the breakup point because the longer you stay in that dynamic after the sex, communication and tender moments stop, the harder it is to regain the original dynamic in that relationship and, eventually, it can’t be regained. That’s why I call this the breakup point.

  1. The End Of Relationship-Building Behaviors: In the honeymoon stage of a relationship, which we all know is the first 90 days of pure bliss, you are learning about each other and making efforts to create romantic moods and nice evenings. When you’re in that stage, you are really working at building your relationship.

Then, at some point, you start to butt heads with each other and the dynamics change.  Instead of adding things to the relationship, you start punishing your partner — taking away the nice things you do — and start to resent each other like two five year olds who stop sharing their crayons. This is another breakup point.

  1. You Fight Less: One thing you notice when you get to the breakup point is that you actually fight less with your partner. You fight less because in your mind and in your heart you start detaching yourself from the other person, and you don’t care as much anymore.  You have already made a determination that they don’t understand you, that they will never understand you and that the relationship just won’t work out with them.

So, all of a sudden, the incredible anger that were starting fights decreases.  You start walking away from them.  You used to feel like she was nagging you all the time or like he was on your case and not understanding you. Now the minute you get into a fight, you just walk away from it.  That is a sure sign that you are at the breakup point.

  1. You Become Apathetic: There comes a point in a relationship where the endless battle can’t be won. That is the point where neither one of you are willing to understand, fully compromise and do the things necessary to move forward.  That is when you stop caring.  That is when you sleep on separate sides of the bed.  That is when you reach the breakup point.

The fact that you are on opposite sides of the bed, which used to bother you and keep you up at night, turns into the natural way things are and you are able to sleep with no problem.  You go to your side of the bed, they go to theirs, and you both just go to sleep.   You are not up for four hours every night thinking, wondering, feeling and missing them.  You just want to go to sleep.  This is another breakup point.

  1. You’ve Taken The Time To Think It Through: When you think you might have hit that breakup point, you must tell the person that you’re disconnecting from them. You need to be honest and raw.  If you don’t think the relationship is going to work or you know you’ve already disconnected based on how things have been going, then you might want to consider walking away for a week.  When you’re in the thick of things, they never seem to be able to work out.

So take a break. Take a walk.  Take a week long walk. Take that week to ask yourself some questions. Spend a week without that person. Go visit some friends or family. Really think about what life would be like without that person.

How would you feel without them being there?  What does your life look like without them?  Do you like and enjoy the way it feels?  Then, after you’ve taken this time, go back and either take a stand for the relationship or break up.

It doesn’t matter whether you determine that you are at the breakup point in a relationship or not.  Whichever decision you make, you need to be honest with yourself.  Life is too short!  There are a lot of wonderful, amazing people out there whom you can meet.