leave bad relationshipSo many of us allow ourselves to be in bad relationships based on taking only crumbs. You get a crumb here from your partner. You get a crumb there. You allow it to go on for months or even years, in the hope that your partner is going to see the light and start giving you the whole cake.

The truth is your partner is never going to see the light. They like the crumb relationship because they only give you as little as possible, but that doesn’t mean you should put up with it. In fact, here are 3 ways to avoid getting stuck in a relationship where you’re going to go hungry.

1. Don’t Let Them Dictate The Terms

If you allow yourself to be caught in a crumb relationship, it’s because your partner dictated the terms, and you accepted them.

A friend of mind recently told me about a woman he was in a relationship with. Everything was great, until all of a sudden she decided she wanted less from him. She pulled the rug from right under him. They remained friends because my friend is a very mature, and evolved man.

They saw each other at work, because they work in the same building. They started to go out to lunch as friends do. Of course, friends who have a background of having sex together and being lovers, things started to escalate again. She decided to re-connect. She thought they could give it a second chance, so they did.

Then, she decides she didn’t want to stop dating other people. She went back and forth. During that time, he allowed her to dictate everything, because he wanted the crumbs. He loved her, and felt things for her that he never felt before. He decided that if he kept taking the crumbs, maybe she’d come around.

2. Love Yourself and Don’t Give Up Control

I told my friend, “You’ve given her total control. You allowed her to be your friend, then you let her become your lover again, and now you’re going to let her see other people?”

You set the ground rules when you’re in a relationship. You let your partner know what you will and won’t accept. This woman clearly doesn’t know what she wants. One minute she wants to be the girlfriend, the next she wants to be the friend with benefits. She wants to blow other people while she’s blowing you too!

When you allow someone else to control the terms of the relationship, you’re not in a relationship at all. You’re in a dictatorship where you hang out with someone on their terms, taking whatever crumbs you can. You’re telling the universe you don’t ever deserve anything better than that.

I told my friend, “Tell her how you feel. Tell her you want a relationship and that’s all. You’re not going to allow her to see other people, and you’re not interested in dating someone like that. Stop giving her the attention. Stop giving her the sex and satisfaction. Hold your ground.”

When you do this, your partner has two choices…

a) Let you go completely so he/she can go and date these other people.

b) He/She can stop playing around and choose to be with you completely.

Guess what happens most the time?

Your partner will choose you. If they don’t then you don’t want to be with them anyway. Stop dating people who only give you crumbs. You deserve more than that, and you have to stand up for yourself.

3. Stop Playing It Safe

We play it safe all the time. We’re so afraid to speak our minds so we keep all the anxiety within us. Anxiety causes heartburn, bad stomach, lack of sleep, and a ton of other nasty things. It’s all caused by bottling things up and not saying what you really want to. The minute we express ourselves we feel better. You have to stop being afraid of the outcome.

“If I tell this person how I feel they may reject me.”

Well that may be true, but they might want you too.

It’s all a process.

When I’m in a relationship with someone and I can feel it isn’t great, I communicate. I used to keep it all inside. I used to get bad stomach all the time because I stuffed my emotions deep down.

Now I get on my dictation service, and I write. I communicate as if the person was in the same room as me. Then I re-read what I’ve written and realize it’s really not hard to communicate. If we spent more time communicating we’d have better relationships all round. There would be less stress, and we’d all have the relationships we deserve!

Stop accepting the crumbs today!