If She Can't Cum, I'm Done.

By David Wygant October 11, 2012 429 Shares

I remember my 20s well.

I used to love teaching women how to orgasm.

I would spend months going down on a woman; every night hoping that she would finally cum.

I would have so much patience, so much patience.

I would be that guy that would say, “Don’t worry, baby, no problem. Tonight’s not the night, we’ll do it another night.”

But let me tell you: I have come a long way since then.

Now, when I sleep with a woman, if she can’t cum, I’m done.

I don’t want to be the teacher in the bedroom.

I teach people for a living how to overcome so many different things. The last thing I want in the bedroom is teaching a woman how to cum.

I don’t want to deal with her issues. As far as I’m concerned, every woman can orgasm.

Go ahead, women, debate me on that. I dare you. I dare you to tell me that you can’t cum. Go for it. Let’s see those comments right now. Because I’m going to tell you it’s 100% bullshit.

You can all orgasm. There is nothing wrong with you down there. Every woman has got a clit, and every woman’s got a G spot. You’ve got no issues with it except for one—the issues that are inside your head.

I don’t want to battle your vibrator dependency.

I’ve been with women like that. They will look at me and say, “Sorry, babe, I just couldn’t cum. I’m so used to my vibrator.”

That’s all bad.

I would tell them to get rid of the vibrator and start using their fingers so they can begin to learn what their body needs to get off.

I’m tired of hearing women say they just can’t relax, or they just don’t know how to cum, or they don’t feel this or that.

As far as I’m concerned, I don’t want to teach. I just want to enjoy. Life is too short. I don’t want to sit there and have sex-ed in my bedroom every night.

I don’t want to have to hang out and explain to them what their G spot is.

I don’t want to have to ask them, after 40 minutes, “Are you in your head right now, because you almost had it three times.”

I just want to have fun. Orgasms are fun.

I love to orgasm. And I love to orgasm with a woman. It’s great. The more she cums, the longer I last, and the more fun it can be.

So, when I sleep with a woman, if she can’t cum, I’m done. And I’ve got no issues with her, but she can go find somebody else to teach her.

It’s not my job to be Dr. Freud of the bedroom.

I just want to get sweaty, hot, have great sex, and cum like a madman—and I want the same for my woman.

So if she can’t cum, I’m done.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

84 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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john

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Ok,this blog gave me the willies..

Collin

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Looks like David's the one giving 'em the willie.

Nathalie

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

You're not the only one John... I feel so turned off by this blog post..I feel annoyed by "tone". I don't want to feel challenged as if there is something to debate here.. Women have 8,000 nerve endings, of course we feel pleasure and orgasm easily.. However there are ladies that have trauma stuck in their body and have trouble with reaching "orgasm", or are too much in their head, or something is bothering her, but these things can be healed and worked through.. I do not say a man should be "Dr Freud" about it and figure her out and "fix her" but if he cares about her and loves her enough than maybe he can open communication with her and explore what she really likes.. Also I might add reaching orgasm is not be all end all of of sex..Women can feel pleasure and extreme connection with her man even without having mind blowing orgasms..Just feeling him inside her is intense pleasure.. I do feel in agreement about vibrators, they are known to desensitize ladies..They need to stay away from these..Exploration with fingers is best..

John

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Yeah, it's this "you're gonna do this my way or hit the road" tone that gets me. You know, sometimes a guy has his mind elsewhere, or something is bugging him, and he's unable to concentrate. Or, maybe he's nervous. Or maybe he's getting older. There may be a ton of other things that can cause a guy to... Hmm.. " malfunction. " ( of course, I wouldn't know anything about that personally.. lol) But, my point is, we men want women to look past our little "issues" in bed,and be understanding, because sometimes something like nervousness, or something will work itself out on it's own. At the same time, David encourages this " you get there on my command, or you can find someone else" attitude. I know some women can't "get there" at all through sex, no matter how hard they try, or how much they want to. It's not her fault. So you're gonna tell her to hit the road?? That's why I find this post a little disturbing.

Nathalie

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Yes Jen, exactly! I orgasm easily when I feel deeply connected, safe, feelings of being cherished and loved..yum Not consciously focusing on having the orgasm itself but on feeling pleasure and your man pleasuring you..

Jen

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Ditto, John - Disturbing blog.... I personally have to emotionally connect with a man and if I'm not, then the orgasm doesn't happen. It really won't happen if I have to deal with an impatient prick because I'm not performing to his expectations....... It's all about the foreplay and feeling safe with a fella that makes the difference for me..... Yeah, I'm picking up on a "wounded masuline ego" too, Natalie.

Nathalie

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I love all the points you brought up here, John! And that bothered me a lot about the "hit the road" insinuation if she does not come..This does not make her feelings for him different, or that there is no pleasure involved.. I feel such a lack of compassion in this post, a very obvious "coldness" and as well as a vibe of "wounded masculine ego".. This attitude is a sure way to not have a women orgasm..

Bob

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I don't care if the do or not, as long as they seem to be enjoying themelves, happy with the sex, not complaining,and the relationship is positively advancing. Makes no difference to me.

John

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Me either...

john

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

And.. if she isn't orgasming, (is that a word???) , and it is a problem for HER.. let her go see a doctor, or a psychologist, or a sex therapist, and get to the bottom herself. It's HER problem, let HER deal with it. And, if it DOES happen to be something you are doing wrong, that is stopping her from "getting there", then let her TELL YOU. But, putting ridiculous pressure on her, and making her feel like a piece of crap, and showing her the door,, well if you do that,, then you deserve to have what may be a great girl move on to someone else.

Hans

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Extremely good blog post. I can see the point that is being made here. Everybody is capable of all bodily functions, I really buy that. In addition to what David says, I sincerely believe that a lot of women do not orgasm because the guys are way too careful, even afraid. Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating rape or anything of that kind. But I think that women want to be TAKEN, by a man. Unfortunately, in our sissiefied society, men hardly ever learn to take the lead anymore. That extends to the bedroom, where a lot of times the woman is the one who takes the lead. And guess what that leads to. It leads to nothing. A nervous man who doesn't know what he is doing, who is not controlling the interaction, will never get her to orgasm, it is that simple. I guarantee you, if you can make her feel like a woman, and the only way to do that is by being the man, she will have fun.

john

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Completely disagree Hans.. Your post seems to go along with the common narrative in the PUA community that if a woman, or in this case her body, doesn't react the way you want her to, that it's YOUR fault, and something that YOU are doing wrong, when in fact, it may be something up with HER.. From a study by the American Psychological Association.. " according to new research by Lloyd and Emory University psychology professor Kim Wallen, PhD, in press in Hormones and Behavior .. Very few women can climax through intercourse alone, but in Hollywood, that 8 percent [of women] is portrayed as 100 percent,” she says. “It’s like, in some misguided bid for equality, we are trying to make women’s orgasms serve the same function as men’s.” David's claims that all women have the ability to orgasm, has been disproven by medical doctors, and multiple sex studies, so I'll take the word of licensed medical professionals. While true that all women have the same parts, it is much more complex than that. To dismiss someone and tell her to "go learn from someone else" after one missed chance at orgasm, to me, is ridiculous. At least give her a while to work out her own issues. Maybe she's just not comfortable, and it will get better.. maybe there is a medical explanation. If you feel like it's not working out, then yes, move on. But this.. "I command you to orgasm NOW, or be gone with you, little girl" mentality is foolhardy. (one thing I will say about this blog.. I definately didn't think I would be discussing THIS today.)

mathew

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I completely agree Hans on this one. If men where “real men” like woman are looking for. It would go a long way in helping the problem. Woman could relax a lot more. But we all need to stop over thinking about “getting off”, just be in the moment and see where the fun takes you.

Hans

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

John, I see your point. My point is simply that YOU have to turn her ON. Obviously they won't orgasm through intercourse alone, and that is the #1 thing every man should know. Should. Therein lies the problem. Most men have no idea. It is not me saying that, women tell me that.

Mar

Monday, May 14th, 2018

Yes a woman can learn or conditioned with erotic hypnosis to experience extreme vaginal orgasms trough intercourse, breast gasms, ear gasms, kiss gasms etc etc.

Bob

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Poor David, gettin' bashed today!! Where are all the "guru" following cronies to protect him? I really don't understand the point of the blog. I guess I am selfish. I want my lady to "get off" but if she doesn't, I try to make sure she has had a great experience, and had fun anyhow, and will want to try again later. I know I got off (most times) and that's what is most important to me.

Technoboy

Monday, October 15th, 2012

Hi, I'm a David cronie, but on this particular point I like your perspective best, Bob :) If she doesn't come, these thoughts would come to me: I should be a gentleman and see if I can finish her off some other way. Uh oh I'm really having a difficult time making her come. Maybe I should take some night classes on the side just to keep up with her. Hold on just a second, I know she is enjoying me because it's usually her initiating sex every time we get together and the foreplay is great, so overall I would say things are looking good between us.

John

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

See Bob,, the Cronies did show up!

Amy

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I have read this a few times. I dont see what the issue really is. He is stating how he feels and what is wrong with that. I dont see him as a caveman or a pig. You guys read what you want as usual.

Amy

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

One last thing. I am 32 and I do not want to teach men either. If they can not please me then I do not want to play sex ed. I like men who know what they are doing in the bedroom.

Nathalie

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Everyone is entitled to an opinion and expressing it..This is a not just a blog of someone recounting their experiences but to "coach" people and advise them.. I feel surprised once again by the lack of compassion and sensitivity and even negativity around women's sexuality and orgasm.. Never would you hear such statements as "if she can't come, I am done" by David Deida for example who is a man with a great grasp of women's sexuality..

Amy

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Nathalie Comparing one person to another. Who cares what David Deida says and he is not Mr Perfect. Do you know what his real name is? I bet you do not. I do not feel that David is bashing women just expressing where he is at in his life. He tells you that he coaches people all day about these issues but in his bedroom does not want to be the teacher anymore. Respect that. He speaks his truth and does so without having to please anyone. I woud want a man like this to coach me. I want someone to speak the truth and not be so rah rah all the time.

Nathalie

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Amy, I have studied a great deal David Deida's work who I admire on the very subject of sexuality and amazing and other informed coaches..They are amazing and inspiring..I do not feel good or inspired reading this blog post here today.. Luckily the men on this blog seem quite informed and more in tune to women's feelings around sex and orgasm. Yes this is the women's issues and they can work them out themselves..No one should teach but can gently guide and inspire each other especially if they are in a loving committed relationship.. All I am picking up here is the voice and vibe of the "wounded masculine"..

Tom

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I think women who don't cum are fine with me. Fuck em I just like to get myself off and have fun. Not my concern if the woman is having mental issues like David sates above.

Amy

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

The wonded masculine. The world is full of terms. I know that is not your term and I am sure you stole it from someone. How about the Honest Masculine. Why is so hard for the teacher to not want to teach when he wants pleasure? And if you follow David he is all about the law of attraction and I am sure he is not with women that are not aligned with him sexually. Not every blog can resonate and teach you something. And if you read the blog again you see that he challenged us to talk and it worked. We are debating back and forth so maybe that was his intention all along.

Nathalie

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I feel amused...Yes the "wounded masculine" is the vibe I get.. Once again you can feel, David can feel what he wants but I feel in disagreement and no this article does not resonate with me at all..and I feel good pointing that out, other posts are good and interesting but I cannot help but feel a certain "misinformation" on his blog posts pertaining to women's sexuality. These are my own personal feelings.. I know all about LOA and I live a very high vibrational life, and in complete alignment in every way with my partner.. :-)

Collin

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I haven't read the entire list of responses, but let's get real here. The title is "If She Can't Cum...," not "If She Doesn't Cum..." The issue isn't with the woman not getting off. It's with the fact that she can't. She doesn't know her body well enough to get off, she's too mentally hung up over body image issues or negative associations with sex, or she spends her nights vibrating herself to sleep and can't get off without that artificial experience. When you're first figuring yourself and women out, it can be fun to be the first one to get her off. You play counselor with her, work her through all her emotional baggage, take her load on along with yours, pour yourself out trying to help her, and finally get the reward of being the first one she can truly be comfortable with to enjoy sex the way it was meant to be. That's absolutely exhausting though. When you've put in the work on yourself to work through your own problems, issues, and hang ups in life, it's not unreasonable to expect the same from a woman that you're dating. I'm not in the business of rescuing damsels in distress from their tall towers of emotional damage, and I doubt David is either. Instead of waiting for a man to come save them, women need to save themselves. They need to take the initiative to work through their own baggage and get emotionally healthy. There are few things more attractive than a woman who truly understands herself and has worked through all of that. When neither person needs the other to save them from all their shit, they're set up for a much longer and more successful relationship. Not orgasming can easily just be a situational issue (the connection not being there yet, distracted from the day, etc.) Not being able to orgasm at all points to the fact that there's a lot going on under the surface that hasn't been addressed and worked through. Avoiding the former is setting yourself up for failure, since no woman has 3 orgasms every single time she has sex. That said, avoiding the latter is completely ok.

Adrian "The Bastard"

Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

Spot on your distinction between "can't" and "doesn't" proves a point that women see and hear what they want to just as much as men do except we get pilloried for it as being uncaring.

Technoboy

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Err, looks like I missed your DOESNT cum and CANT cum distinction too. Good one. OK, when it comes to EMOTIONAL issues I agree with you - I want a stable strong independent person who can mostly work out her own issues, and I think playing therapist is exhausting, plus I suck at it - her girlfriends are probably better at understanding her issues, just like my childhood guyfriends will probably understand me better than a womanfriend will. I was thinking of the PHYSICAL issue of my sex not getting her off though. My first reaction would be I need to take some night classes on the side to brush up on my skills. Or to get some insider tips from her on what drives her up the wall. I think sex is an important part of a relationship, and it IS my job to make sure she is enjoying it. I hear a lot of women say that it shouldn't be their job to tell a guy exactly what they want though. I emphatically disagree. If a woman can't tell me how she likes to cum, I'm done :) P.S See, I was thinking like a guy here - framing sex as a PHYSICAL rather than EMOTIONAL issue.

Bobby M

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

"When you’ve put in the work on yourself to work through your own problems, issues, and hang ups in life, it’s not unreasonable to expect the same from a woman that you’re dating. I’m not in the business of rescuing damsels in distress from their tall towers of emotional damage, and I doubt David is either." THIS. This x1000000000000000.

Fred

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Im 18 and i don't understand a gotdam thing y'all saying lol, guess i gotta lot to learn

Mike

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I can see why the women didn't like the tone in David's post. I'm going to reverse the situation, when I man can't perform, doesn't the women feel rejected, that the man is not into her emotionally? Asking herself, what did she do wrong? David's tone tells me that he is a single father, who works hard, getting up there in age, so he doesn't have the time to be a teacher while in the bedroom.

john

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Mike, being a teacher has NOTHING to do with it. There are many reasons for a woman not being able to orgasm, and to imply that it's because she doesn't know what she's doing, and to send her packing due to her failure to learn properly, is, in my opinion, condesending. My point is many women don't have the ability.. that has been proven by medical science. I could link to study after study, by licensed medical professionals, that say that David is DEAD WRONG. Imagine you haven't "gotten any" for a while, you have personal stuff going on, you're with a new girl, you're nervous, and you have a lot on your mind, + a little "performance anxiety", and you just can't keep it up.. you can get it up, but your mind wanders, and you lose it. (common male scenerio that usually works itself out in time. ) .. how would you feel if the girl get's up and says, "are you stupid? Did you never learn how to get it up? Are you an idiot? Get out because I don't have time to teach you how to keep it up. I'm calling someone else to finish what you started.. fool. " That, to me, is the equivalent of what David is saying here. I know how I would feel. I just think this is bad advice.

Nathalie

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Honestly I have never experienced any of these issues..from the male side or myself.. I would like to make the point that if woman who does not orgasm it really does not mean she is not feeling pleasure.. Women feel extreme connection and bonded to their man by just feeling the closeness of sex and feeling the man inside her.. I do agree that orgasm is something that is something very personal to each woman and it is something that can be learned on her own, through her own exploration..I would encourage all women to research this even if they do already have no trouble with this.. I personally have the most intense orgasms I have ever had in my life with my current partner..I feel its because I feel complete "safeness" and total "surrender" when I am with him..When I met him I was also in the process of my inner work and healing which may have something to do with it or my studying of tantra..or not... Disliking the tone of this blog is my own personal triggers, I believe it is not even so much the content but a lot of the wording and presentation.. He is on his own healing journey as all of us..I would say it must be something in his own life within himself that vibrationally he is attracting women who do not orgasm..and that would be the root of the problem...We must always bring things back to ourselves in the end..

David Wygant

Friday, October 12th, 2012

I love when people analyze me. You are so wrong but thanks for trying to figure me out. My friends and I were talking and this conversation came up and i thought what a great blog. Sometimes I just share and write my thoughts and it has no deep meaning at all. But thanks for playing armchair QB:)

David Wygant

Friday, October 12th, 2012

When you wrote your thoughts you made an assumption about me. So i just corrected you on that assumption. I am glad that you porcess and write its great for you!

Nathalie

Friday, October 12th, 2012

I feel sorry you feel analyzed..I was "processing" through my thoughts on this subject and how it was presented which I found very triggering.. I absolutely do not feel the need to "figure you out" but rather work through my own triggers and express them when something does not feel good to me.. Actually I do the same, I share and write my thoughts which are not meant to "analyze" but rather share opinions and feelings..

Nathalie

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Aw I am sorry you felt triggered and assumed about.. Feeling triggered here (for me) leads to more healing which is why I feel good expressing it here when I feel the need to..

Shelly

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Wait wait wait.... One fucking minute here. I havn't yet read all the replies yet, but I just have to say something. David I totally get the fact that it's your blog and occasionally from time to time you're going to talk about your personal life and personal feelings, but, this is also a dating ADVICE site for guys that may have issues with never having even been with a woman or having very little experience with a woman. And the plain cold hard fact, just may be that a guy just might suck in bed. It has been known to happen you know. Then add to that just simple awkwardness possibly between two people during the first time or second time or maybe even third time that they have sex. I have found myself for the first time in my life having difficulty having an orgasm since I'm no longer with my husband of 20 years. And by the way I had to learn to get mine really damn quick or I wasn't going to get it at all. If you catch my drift. For 20 years that's all I got was an orgasm and nothing else. so I'm pretty friggin satisfied right now with all the other sexual niceties that I'm getting and fuck an orgasm.... Because sometimes it can be completely overrated. So I just want to put my voice out there to say, you know what, hey it may not be her fault and that maybe you shouldn't have that kind of mindset across the board. and "i" am the one you got called a man eating black widow. OUCH!!!

Nathalie

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Hi Shelly, that was exactly one of the points I was trying convey which really bothered me a lot about this blog post..was the fact that men are getting advice here, this is supposed to be a coaching for men site and while it is a a recount of a story or meant to be funny I am not feeling good about the underlying message here..

Shelly

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Nat, thnx....John... You said it perfectly. I get it that there are women out there somewhere, hell maybe even everywhere, that are so damaged the really do have issues... I'm sure a kick to the curb is going to make her feel great. But for the rest if us, that may be having temporary situational issues.... What a kick to the gut

john

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Thanks Shelly.. I can understand that David is talking about a personal thing for him.. but like you said... This is an ADVICE blog. A lot of guys might read this, and say "oh crap.. She didn't climax (yes, proper terminology) , Dave said if that happens, I should show her the door." Shelly,, sorry to get personal, but, you say you aren't "getting there" right now. You were married for 20 years, I'm sure you know good and well how to get off. How would you feel if a new guy said to you, "what? You didn't come? Look, I don't have time to teach you, so...HIT THE DOOR.", and ruin what could have been a perfectly good, growing, relationship... When after getting comfortable with the guy, you would have no problem. That's why I think this article is just bad advice. I find it hard to believe I am the only guy here who sides with the blog females on this.

Shelly

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Accidentally hit the send button..... Also wanted to say.... It is truly arrogant to have the opinion.... And teach it to others.... That if there is a problem.... It MUST be HER fault.... And...AND.... That she is worthy of discarding.... I hope all you men who agree with that premis, leave me the hell alone the next time I complain about a limpy or a guy who can't control his load.

Bobby M

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Okay.

Nathalie

Friday, October 12th, 2012

LOL Shelly! xoxo

Shelly

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Giggles.... Nat..... And the age old question as to why women FAKE it....has FINALLY been revealed!

Nathalie

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Haha Shelly! Yes, I was thinking the exact same thing actually the other day when I read this.. and that those women were being upfront and honest about it! goodness...

ANGELO

Friday, October 12th, 2012

WHAT A EPIC BLOG DAVE!! AND IM REALLY ENJOYING THE BLOOD BOILING REPLYS. YOU'RE HUMAN JUST LIKE THE REST OF US DAVE SO IT'S OK IF YOU WANNA BE SUPERFICIAL ABOUT SEX SOMETIMES. EVERYONE DOES IT, EVEN SHELLY ADMITS TO COMPLAINING ABOUT LIMP DICKS!LOL FROM NOW ON WHENEVER A GIRL DOESN'T ORGASM I'M GOING TO FOLLOW YOUR "IDGAF" APPROACH AND SHOW SHAWTY THE DOOR! LOVE IT!... XD

Nathalie

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

Now this is what I'm talking about! Below is amazing and takes my breath away..yumm "Before I understood how to open with you, I tried giving you orgasms so I knew I was a good lover. But now, all I want is your surrender. I want your heart's pleasure to ripple through your open body and saturate my life with your love. Your body's openness to love's flow draws me into you, and through your heart's surrender I am opened to the love that lives as the universe. Whether you have an orgasm or not while we make love, your body's trust and devotional openness is my secret doorway to love's deepest bliss." --From "Dear Lover," by David Deida

Shelly

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

John that is exactly my situation, EXACTLY!!! I don't mind getting personal being that I'm here under the cloak of anonymity. So for me I was with the same man for 20 years, the exact same monotonous stimulation for 20 years. The exact same anatomy, the exact same rut, you get the idea. And you're right... I know how to get mine just fine.... But....I've only been dating for three months, so I need a little bit a latitude. I hadn't been with another man for two decades. I can be a little nervous, so sue me. What I can say, is that my need to go a whole hell of a lot longer than five minutes, has made a couple of men pretty damn lucky. And I've enjoyed every single second of it. Minus the orgasm of course. But the rest of it feels so damn good, I don't even give a shit. Part of me wants to be the biggest whore on the planet. But the other part knows that that's not going to get me anywhere. And if some jackass made me feel like I needed to get the fuck out because I couldn't cum.... all I can say is it's his loss and some other man's gain. If sex is simply about an orgasm and getting that orgasm "your self" then what the fuck do I need a man for? If I have to do it myself, then I will do it BY myself. The whole point of having sex with another human being is to experience the pleasure that THAT person can bring to YOU and to bring the experience of YOU to somebody else. Otherwise, Why not just go get a self orgasming blow up doll, with a preset program? Plus.... If some man tried to "instruct" me while we were having sex.... I would feel like a complete failure... In that moment and THE moment would NEVER happen because I would be even more self conscious than I was before some guy tried to "help" me. I'm not stupid. I know what the "goal" is.... I don't need that pointed out to me. Just shut the fuck up and let me do my thing. If you can't take it any more, crack a nut, don't make me feel like shit, in fact.... Don't mention it at ALL.... I'll be raping you again in a few minutes.... And get mine ;) So don't fall asleep Ps.... I wrote this before your post Nat, all I can say is "yes.... Wouldn't THAT be nice? But that is written from one lover to another, to be a lover you must first be able to love. That's all I have to say about that. ;)

Nathalie

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

Shelly! :-) Thank you for sharing your experience.. Yes..that was actually a quote from a book called "Dear Lover" written by David Deida, He is an excellent writer who has an amazing grasp on women's sexuality and masculine and feminine energy.. This was the amazing part of the quote about his view on women and orgasm and I found this most beautiful..Basicially just appreciation for the women giving him the gift of her "trust".. "Whether you have an orgasm or not while we make love, your body’s trust and devotional openness is my secret doorway to love’s deepest bliss.” xoxo

Nathalie

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

Oh wow Technoboy, that's so awesome you got to download a sample! I feel curious about what you think when you finish.. LOL I was giggling so much about the library, blushing and feeling embarrassed too hehe Its a quirk of mine, still going to the library..I have stopped going lately due to getting too many late fees! I also had/still have a reading addiction but it takes me so much longer to finish these days...

Technoboy

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

Thanks Nathalie. I just bookmarked The Way of the Superior Man by downloading a sample into my iBooks collection. A library?! Those remind me of the days when I used dead trees and ink. Do you ever look up directions on one of those gigantic foldable paper maps? My brother still does that, believe it or not. You will need to be patient with me until I get around to reading Deida. I recently cut back on my reading addiction big time, and also skewed my book queue towards books on mating and relating so you have a lot of competition for what my next book will be :)

Nathalie

Monday, October 15th, 2012

Technoboy I feel delighted to share..I would highly reccommend: Intimate Communion: awakening your sexual essence Dear Lover (my personal favorite, i believe it is for women but men would really benefit too..) The way of the Superior Man (this one is written for men) Are you in the US? If so you can even find them in the library.. :-)

Technoboy

Monday, October 15th, 2012

Okay, Nathalie, you've been doing nothing but rant about how sexy David Deida is all blog post long, and he has two pages worth of books on Amazon.com, so I have to ask: what is his best one? FYI I can read both English and German but prefer English.

Shelly

Saturday, October 13th, 2012

Matt, hugs and kisses. You are so absolutely right trust is every thing for any woman. 60 to 70 percent of women have been raped or molested at some point in their life more often as a child. And who was the one who did it to them? A man, that's it. So what those staggering numbers it's going to be pretty commonplace that as a man six out of 10 women that you sleep with are going to have some serious trust issues. Add to that the fact that most women are highly intuitive and sensitive and can feel you and what's in your heart and in your mind during sex. Personally I can sense the slightest hesitation from a man, and it can freak me out. On the subject of trust, if you're an arrogant asshole, don't you think your woman's Goodnuff feel that? If you disagree you're a moron. But despite the fact that so many women have baggage, statistically there's not that many women who flat out cannot have an orgasm. So just some womanly advice for any of you men who seem to be coming across this problem again and again, Chances are pretty high that the problem is you. If you have an arrogant attitude that a woman can't enjoy herself without an orgasm, and that for damn sure YOU should be giving her that orgasm, and that if she can't she needs to hit the fucking road,..... you're the problem dude. Probably all of these women can feel that arrogant sinew, can feel your judgment, and can feel your rejection and that's why they can't have an orgasm. So before you tell this woman to hit the road, maybe you ought to look in the mirror. And that mirror is your heart and soul not your penis. The whole problem starts with the fact that you think that it is a problem. If more men realized that even a fuck isn't just a fuck maybe we women wouldn't have so much baggage. Even in a one night fuck, it should be an experience where you're giving everything of your heart and soul to somebody else in that moment, rather than just taking for the sake of fucking.

Grant

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

Interesting comments to this blog, musta been just me as I saw the crux of it as a cunninlingus session, only mentions the clit and g-spot as a way to a woman's orgasam, and the only way to do it is try for 40mins going down on them then give up which made me reread the blog again. This time I laughed so much at the reminiscing 20yr old "teacher" who was patient for months. One thing Teach, you've improved your "I give up" time efficientcy! Now John, Nat and Shelly kudos for your posts and they were worth the read but honestly the blogs on a lame one night stand clearly, which is a whole lot different to the relationship aspect. Which is so much more valuable and of course, an ongoing project sexually. Just take the blog for what it is, a one night stand with the throwaway line, after all who psychoanalyses people on the way back to the bedroom when all both parties wanna do is get their rocks off. :)

Steven

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

Okay, so, first time posting not just here, but anywhere in relation to any of this 'stuff' for lack of a better term. I haven't read all the posts, but enough. First things first, Shelly, in regards to the rape/molestation issue, stow it. Why? Because it doesn't just happen to women. I'm a victim of it myself, but the fact is, it's a simpler topic for women to admit to. Don't read that wrong, it's by no means simple to deal with, but it is simpLER for women. So please bare that in mind next time you desire to use that as a point of argument for anything. Men get raped and molested too. Far more frequently than you may realize. Second point for both Shelly and Nat, woman have a tendency in my experience to go on about how their not satisfied emotionally, or how men aren't sensitive enough, or aren't deep enough, or so on and so forth. The fact is, if you say that, think that, or believe that, you don't know men half as well as you think you do. Time, place, situation, issues, past, so on and so forth. Guy's, admittedly or not, go through a lot of the same emotional issues as women. THE difference is that we worth through them differently. That doesn't mean we don't have them. For example, the guy going around sleeping with women here there and everywhere, being an arsehole, being insensitive... Women have their own version... but the truth is, it's just a guy with issues who's working them out the only way he knows how. We don't have the benefit of having the same ability when it comes to recognizing and resolving our issues as women. You're at a severe advantage when it comes to that. Most men don't even realize they have issues until it's point out to them. Hell, even when their pointed out to them, most men will ignore them. And that is almost purely because of fear and anxiety of being judged. Women have a tendency to look down on a man when he's trying to solve his problems as 'weak' in my experience. In addition to that, you get the same judgement from the men around you as well. The result? Guys get pushed back into a cornor for the majority of their lives where they end up learning a set pattern of behaviors simply so they don't have to feel all the negative connotations unintentionally put upon them trying to understand their own emotions better. Men hide who they really are a lot. It's got nothing to do with 'ego' either. It's everything to do with societal judgments from other men, and from harpies who jump at the chance to condemn a man when he does express his feelings simply because it's not to their liking, and it because it makes him 'seem weak'. So next time something a guy says bothers you, just tell him it bothers you, and politely explain why. Rather than harping on about their being condescending. Because in the process of explaining your issue, you are also being condescending. In my view, men and women are 100% equal. We all work the same way, with slight differences. Those differences actually balance each other out though when you pay enough attention to them. Nat, perhaps you've spent too much time focusing on healing yourself, and not enough time learning how to explain things or express yourself to the opposite sex. I apologise if any of this offends, it wasn't the intention, but the fact is, in my opinion, and for lack of a better term again, you 'stepped out of line' with the manner in which you chose to express yourself.

Nathalie

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

Steven, I feel annoyed and a bit amused..By focusing deeply on healing and personal growth (which this blog is normally for) we are able express our feelings easily and be authentic..which I am.. I have been in a beautiful loving and happy relationship with an amazing man for several years now because of my blossoming and and being on my healing path.. I am free to express my feelings about a subject I am not happy about as you are to disagree with me..Obviously it must have triggered you..and that I would advise looking into yourself as to why..

Nathalie

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Hey Technoboy, LOL! You know I actually came across this blog from a "female only" relationship blog site.. One girl posted an article from David here and I was curious.. :-) I stay because I find it intriguing what men say and I enjoy reading the posts even if I don't agree with everything..lol To be honest I also shared here some time ago, I have been interested in maybe being a coach myself, so it is another reason I feel drawn to come read here.. Have fun in the library! :-)

Technoboy

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Hey, I just noticed something: what's a woman who has a beautiful loving happy relationship with an amazing man for several years doing spending all of her time on a blog primarily for men who can't talk to women? I.e. what's a girl like you doing in a place like this? P.S I am writing this message from a public library. Thought you'd get a kick out of that ;)

Angelo

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

I like how Nat stays congruent with all her answers... Its getting me SOO wet right now!

Nathalie

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

;-)

Shelly

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

You guys are so funny! There is a big distinction between can't and doesn't, however I just want to point this out. Sometimes for a woman, an orgasm is like trying to hunt the elusive white unicorn. And much to be likened to a man having erectile problems. The more emphasis you put on it, the harder it is to find. Sometimes it has to do with a lack of skill of a man and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it has to do with her past baggage and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it has to do with a lack of an emotional connection with her partner and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it's just because her partner is a douche bag, and sometimes it's just because she's had a long day. My whole point to this from the beginning..... Was just the mentality of the "I'm done" . The only point that I'm trying to make is that it's a little unfair to put all the blame and pressure on the woman without ever looking in the mirror to see if maybe, just maybe, it might be you. Very busy day at work and I need to get back to it...... Have fun!

Technoboy

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Ugh, so complicated! The million dollar question you just brought up is: how can I tell whether it's MY problem (I suck in bed, I'm a douchebag, ...) vs HER problem?? I can take a stab at my own question: see how willing she is to initiate intimacy. If she can't keep her hands off me, I'm definitely in the clear. If she never initiates intimacy and makes excuses when I try to, I PROBABLY (but not definitely) suck in bed or am a douchebag.

Shelly

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Techno.... I'd love to say you hit the nail on the head..... But I can't. It all depends on the woman.... And you.... I suppose. Just because she "doesnt". Doesn't mean you "suck".... Take myself and my one example I can use in this analogy.... As the others don't count. We have different "styles" and "needs" . I'm very VERY touchy feely sensual, he is more kinky. I love to kiss and am very oral.... Ie: my mouth goes everywhere. Him: no kissing.... Not oral at all. BUT.... He's the best FUCK I've ever had, even w/o the big O. I would not categorize him as a lover though. And this whole blog post has shed some light to MY hiding unicorn...LOL. And a great make out session w a guy I met while he was here on vacation. I damn near came with NO stimulation...Yes it was that HOT!!!. And the next day I knew just how much I need to be touched, kissed etc.... To bag my mythical creature! So my FWB guy, while he's far FAR from sucking in bed.....HE won't ever meet my needs, as far as the O goes..... But I still very much enjoy the rest with him. And before you ask..... He is VERY aware of my needs, desires and style, as we have talked about it at length. We are just different. It's a good thing we are best friends, and don't do it often..... But don't make me go THERE...LOL I'm just glad I know now it isn't ME.... It's just the circumstances.

Technoboy

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Yes the matter of personal style + mismatch did come to mind too. Except I think it is apparent when that is the case. I think your issue is pretty universal though. Me, I can definitely relate to your fuckfriend more so than to you when it comes to style, and I think a lot of women would relate to your perspective more than his. IN GENERAL, that is - I am sure there are a lot of exceptions both ways.

Jason

Sunday, June 30th, 2013

At least some of the women who are offended by this "hit the road" sentiment would probably find themselves of the same persuasion if the situation was flipped. Imagine: He can't cum no matter now much he thrusts, and if you're lucky, maybe, maybe after an hour you've worn your neck and wrists completely out he's about 2 minutes from cuming by his own hand. Despite how popular culture depicts women as constantly tired by the 2-pump chump, women in general really do want to feel the psychological satisfaction of knowing they can get their man off in a reasonable time. Trust me ladies, you'd be writing the same thing here if you were in that position.

quirkylady240

Saturday, February 8th, 2014

I'd like to respond in the defense of many women out there: Some of us are sexually dysfunctional in the same ways that men are. Our diets, hydration levels, physical activity all have a HUGE effect on our sexual health. I don't think I had an orgasm from penetration by a man until my 4th partner. I'm almost certain it was due to stress, and poor nutrition among other things. You don't have to teach a girl to orgasm, but try to challenge her thinking on WHY she can't get max pleasure in the bedroom. Most women won't be offended by that!

C a will

Friday, May 30th, 2014

What if she's the ONE? Wouldn't you at least find a modicum of patience for her?

chrissy

Sunday, December 14th, 2014

How are you an expert again? Then again, this probably won't make it through moderation....yet it's proven only a third of women actually orgasim, another third will fake it when they dont. Sex for women isn't like sex for men where you ejaculate and have your orgasim. Some of the best sex I ever had, I never orgasimed...and usually, I have back to back multiple orgasims...or could also be you. You seem so full of yourself, maybe you're as good as a lover as you are on giving advice, not that good- just sayin!

james

Saturday, December 20th, 2014

I find it pretty ironic you compare yourself to Freud. The guy who said clitoral orgams are for immature women and mature woman should all be orgasming from penetration. Btw, if she isn't cuming with you that doesn't nesserarily mean she doesn't know how to orgasm, it means YOU don't know how to make her orgasm (unless she is one of the few who has never done it before).

angry feminist

Friday, December 26th, 2014

Have you ever heard of female circumcision? How about genital mutilation? Obviously not, since you state that "all women have got a clit". Absolutely false. Thousands of women have literally had their clitoris CUT OFF by men who want to control their sexuality. Shame on you for not being aware of this. Also, the g-spot isn't something that every woman has. I'm disgusted by your ignorance.

Mr t

Friday, January 9th, 2015

I agree with you totally it's a turn off its not sexy there is no making love and connection when it is always between you .....I love a woman that touches herself ...even between her and I .....I have tried to be patient in these circumstances but it just kills the mood at times the passion of one and a other connection is my interest in a healthy sexual relationship. ....if she can't cum I'm done

amanada

Wednesday, February 4th, 2015

Omg this guy seems like egoistic amateur that got no time or skill to make women come. Women come or don't ...but ask any women they all faked it at some point. So I wouldn't be so sure woman you sleeping with really come all the time. I believe in karma so I wouldn't be surprised when THE ONE comes along your way - you'll need that patience or you will regreat it down the road...

c

Friday, March 20th, 2015

I totally get u as a woman, and wish I could let go of the stupid thoughts in my head. Im too old for games and hate that I have this issue with the great man I love!

c

Friday, March 20th, 2015

Instead of getting mad at David, or worse defensive. Listen and understand what he is saying. If this is a concern of yours (women) then take the words you read into consideration and use them towards your bedroom issues. I am 46 and although frustrated and not able to cum or squirt with a man I love, yet can with a toy. I took what David said, although harsh but to the point, as a learning tool. My man is getting frustrated, at my age he should not have to teach me, but instead enjoy me. I think we tend to get too hostile and defensive in most things we can correct and not place blame. Instead I'll except that it could be me and all me for my dysfunctions and take a mans advice who was willing to put himself out there as he did. Thank you David Wygant!

Sunny

Sunday, June 28th, 2015

Hello, I just read your article, and I would be the one you are done with because I have never came with a guy before. My 1st organism was maybe when I was either 22 or 23 with a vibrator. I'm not a casual sex person neither, so throughout my adult years, I haven't had that many sexual experiences. I was with my ex for about 6 years and never climaxed with him, but I did enjoy having sex with him, I just never climaxed with him. I had one guy in my life to almost make me come, by oral sex, but then he stopped because he wanted to have sex, and I didn't. Overall the guys, I have had sex with have been great, but like I said I don't have casual sex, I only like having sex if there is an emotional attachment. I enjoy four play a lot, I think the guys I have been with, have a time limit with it. So, I hope the next guy I fall for, likes going longer than 20 min with four play. I think that four play starts when you first call me or see me in the morning, if you can keep that sweet flirting, and sweet touches, and make me feel really good throughout the day, I think that might help. I can tell you when a guy does this, I become the aggressor. I am also very kinky in the bedroom, I like having fun, I always tell my friends, I dont sleep around, but Once I find that special guy that I bond with, I am a total slut for him. But I like I said you would dump me because I would be surprised if I climaxed on 1st sexual encounter. And I would be pissed off, because like I said I do not like casual sex or mind games. Because if we are having sex, I'm 99% sure I'm feeling a special feeling about you, that goes beyond sex. I would just hate to share my body with someone who would dump me because I could not climax during intercourse. By the way, I'm 31 years old. And I definitely do not blame the guy, but I do let him know that I had a good time. And I let him know that I never climax through intercourse. I guess if the right guy however with the right skills ate me out, it might be a different story

Carolyn

Tuesday, August 4th, 2015

https://www.davidwygant.com/blog/turn-her-on/if-she-cant-cum-im-done/ I totally agree with your idea of placing more responsibility on women for orgasm and less upon yourself. As a middle-aged woman, I am multiorgasmic. My husband and I have simultaneous orgasms. I come during intercourse without a lot of effort. My husband didn't teach me to be that way or "give" orgasms to me. I have never, or would ever, use a vibrator. Women who use them become overly dependent upon them and don't explore how their bodies react to the touch of a man. Also, if I said to myself, "He will give me an orgasm first through oral sex, and then he will give himself one during penetrative sex," then I don't suppose I would be where I am today. Good sex takes practice with the same partner.

Mary

Thursday, February 18th, 2016

Thanks for pointing out some guys last longer the more a woman cums during sex. All I can say is I really don't care too much otherwise. I can take this and run with it but I really don't care for anything else other than my man being satisfied. If my cum is what satisfies him, so be it. At the same time, sometimes I don't want to cum so I guess you'd be done with me too, lol. If I want to play with a toy, I'm going to play with a toy. I know how to please myself with or without, single or not. Whatever I feel like doing, I'm going to do. A man is going to do what he wants. Men watch womens' ass and tits, I play with toys sometimes. Who cares, get over it. Otherwise....

Curly

Friday, August 26th, 2016

I cannot say "thank you" enough for this post. I'm dealing with the same thing with my long term girlfriend and after years of being patient, understanding, working my tongue game up to Olympic-level conditioning levels and never pressuring her, I'm starting to grow resentful that she just won't fcking cum. I have personally, with my own eyes, witnessed her orgasm one time in four years - and that was with a magic hitachi. Four years. One time. Of course, I had to dig like a trapped miner to find this post. Every other search result is a bunch of Comso and Buzzfeed bullsht about how it doesn't matter if she cums as long as she loves it and that you may need to (gasp) use your tongue. No sht sherlocks! Guess I don't have much to add except to say it can be frustrating to certain types of guys who know what it's like to feel a woman orgasm and truly let some of her inhibitions go. Maybe there really are a lot of men out there who don't mind NEVER seeing their woman cum, but I'm not one of them.

Amber Mac

Tuesday, November 29th, 2016

Hey Dave got news for you mate :) studies prove women's sexuality linked to the emotion and anxiety brain centres, FYI so potential for complication high esp if victim of sex abuse. So looking at the facts, if I control my orgasm biologically with my brain....stay with me...then hmmm, you're not the teacher you imagine yourself :) Oh the simplicity of hubris.

If She Can’t Cum, I’m Done.

About David

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