You see a woman standing on the street corner.

You’ve got nothing to say.

At least you think you’ve got nothing to say.

It’s a beautiful day, so you look at her and say, “Wow, what a beautiful day.”

The only problem is, when you start a conversation with the weather, it tends to make a woman very dry and never very wet.

The weather could be the most boring conversation topic in the world.

No, it’s official—it is.

It’s awful.

How many times have people started talking to you with boring weather observations?

They’d comment on a rainy day, and said, “Wow, it’s never rained like this before.”

You almost want to say:

“Really, it’s never rained like this before in your entire life? So what are you about 40? In 40 years, it’s never rained like this? You’re right, I’m going to call Noah and go get him to build the fucking ark today, so that way we can be prepared for this rain that it’s never rained like before.”

When someone comes up to you and says, “It’s never been hotter than it is today.”

You could say, “Really? So in your entire life it’s never been hotter? Wow! Let’s Google this right now and see if this is the hottest day on record.”

Weather conversations make her dry, even on the wettest of days.

Next time you’ve got nothing to say, and you use the weather as your opener, realize what you’re about to do—you’re about to make her as dry as the desert, when she was as moist as New Orleans in the summer.

The next time someone weathers you, use one of my responses back, and have fun. Because—don’t forget—women can be as boring as boring men when it comes down to openers.

When a woman looks at you and tries to weather talk you, you can come back to her with a wise-ass comment.

But if you’re going to use those wise-ass comments above, make sure you do it with a smile, because it’s really funny, and it works.

Whenever anybody weathers me, this is what I do, because I’m not about to get into a dry conversation on a wet day.