Hey guys, I got an e-mail from someone today. I haven’t posted an e-mail from you guys in the blog in a while, but I was asked this question a few weeks ago, and I’ve been getting a lot of emails from you guys wanting me to talk about something very specific. This one is great.

“Dear David,

I have no problem starting a conversation with women, but I really want to escalate with women. More so, so I can get their phone numbers and go on a date with them. I’ve been trying to work on my communication skills, and a lot of the stuff you have taught me has brought me a long ways forward. And this coming from a guy who couldn’t tell you what kinds of foods he likes just a few months ago! Can you tell me what I’m doing wrong and teach me how to work on my problem.

Thanks,

Anonymous”

Escalate. You know how much I can’t stand pick-up terms. Escalate. What are you, an escalator? We’re going up an escalator. Don’t use that terminology. Really, it bothers me. Escalate with a woman…

Here’s the deal: you don’t need to escalate with a woman. You need to learn how to communicate with a woman. You need to learn how to listen to a woman! You need to learn how to be EXCITED when you’re speaking to a woman! When you carry on a conversation, you need to do it just as you would with anybody else. And what happens is that you begin to really LISTEN to what the other person you’re talking to is saying, and you REACT to what she’s saying, she’s going to get TURNED ON to you. She’s going to be physically attracted to you because she knows that you’re really, actually, interested in her as a person, and not just in yourself trying to escalate attraction with her. So many guys spend way too much of their time in their own heads thinking about how they’ll escalate. “How I escalate. How do I escalate?” I mean, they just say it over and over and over again. They’re talking to a woman for 15 seconds, they start a conversation and they remain fixated on themselves, and after about 20 seconds, the conversation just dies because you’re not actually listening to what comes out of her mouth next.

Going Up

A conversation is when two people INTERACT– one person starts the conversation, the other person listens. The other person does what? Reacts to what was just said. That’s called a conversation. Think about all the conversations you have with your friends. You don’t think about how to escalate with your friends. You don’t think about what to say next. What’s happening here is you’re not being present.

Men try to complicate things so much, and that’s why so much pick-up terminology really resonates with so many men because men want to believe that there is a “secret code” to get this done, but in reality, I’ve been doing the same thing for years. I observe what she’s doing, I walk over with my observations, I speak my observation, I listen to what she has to say, and I react to what she has to say. And I do it all with confidence, strong body language, eye contact. It really is that simple. I have a great new coach I’ve been training intensely, his name is Shogo. He’s absolutely amazing in conversation and with connecting to the opposite sex. And guess what? Because he’s been training under me, he never uses any pick-up terminology. He doesn’t think about “escalating attraction” because he has real conversations and he communicates based on whatever he’s feeling in the moment and it just happens naturally. He never teaches that stuff to any of our clients, and he gets amazing results for them because of it.

The best way to get a woman’s phone number and the best way to turn her on is to listen and enjoy the conversation and react to what she has to say. And pay attention to the details. Have a conversation as you would with anybody else, and then, when the conversation ends, you look at her and you say, “I really enjoyed this conversation, you need to give me your number. We’ll get together and talk again soon.” That’s it. It’s actually simple.

To learn how to really become a MASTER at this, a master of observing, of listening, on sharing what you are feeling in the moment and really speaking your mind instead of defeating yourself by thinking so hard about escalating with a woman, you should really look into my products and getting some personalized coaching from my coaches and me.