What do we all want out of a relationship?

If you think about it, from the second that we are swiping somebody on an online dating app or phone dating app…

To the second we meet somebody and give them a phone number…

To the end of the first date, what are we really looking for?

Love. Affection. Commitment.

And there’s 3 steps to really getting the commitment you deserve, want, and desire.

Step #1:

Feeling amazing when you meet somebody. Commitment, to me, starts the second you start texting one another. We want to feel flirted with.

We want to feel like we’re different from every other person that you’ve been flirting with. I know every single time I’m flirting with a woman on a dating app, Bumble, Tinder, whatever it might be, that when she’s giving me one word answers, I feel like she’s shuffling through 75 guys to find the one that’s more clever, or the one that she decides to finally like.

I don’t feel special at all. Sometimes I’ll give a text that’s so good and so clever because I am a writer, and I get nothing back.

I immediately lose interest, because I’m not getting the commitment, I’m not being made to feel special at all. Which leads us to number two.

Step #2:

Dating is a two way street.

It’s a car that’s driven 50% of the time by the man, and 50% of the time by the woman. The man can certainly lead and pursue and you know how great that feels when a man is pursuing you and he’s persistent, and he’s all about getting to know you.

It’s hot. It turns you on. It makes you feel special. It makes you feel like even if he is dating some other women, he met you and he wants to get to know you.

It’s a feeling of being empowered on an emotional level, and I think a lot of that is missing. And a lot of people don’t understand that, in order to get somebody to commit, the pursuit — and I’m not talking about the chase — but the pursuit needs to be something that is strongly felt.

And it works both ways. You see, if I’m pursing a woman and I’m putting it out there and she doesn’t put it back and she’s making me play the game of chase, I don’t feel like she’s committed, which means I’m not optimistic about our chances. Which means that I’m going to continue to swipe and meet other women until I find somebody who’s actually giving me back what I need.

All men want to feel wanted and desired, and that feeling starts immediately. I’ve got no problem pursuing because I am the man.

I’ve got no problem making plans because I am the man.

But I need a little bit back. And if I get that back, I tend to really pursue even harder. Which leads to step three.

Step #3:

When you know you both like each other you don’t fake it.

You don’t play games, you don’t pretend, you don’t try to manipulate them to like you. You’re open, you’re honest, you’re vulnerable, you’re authentic.

You’re not looking to be something that you’re not, you’re actually showing up for exactly who you are.

You see, in order to get the commitment, you need validation along the way, and this is so important.

I like you.

I want to say it to you one more time and I want you to really think about it.

I like you. How does that make you feel inside right now? Even though we don’t know one another and you’ve been reading me for a while, I just told you that I like you. How does it feel?

You see, in order to get a commitment, you need to throw in a lot of I like you‘s.

I can’t wait to see you again.

Thank you so much for a wonderful evening.

I’m so looking forward to next Thursday night.

I’ve never felt this way in a long time.

I can’t believe how well we communicate and talk to each other. I feel like we’ve known each other for so long.

Do you see in order to get the commitment that we both deserve, desire, and want, we need to be able to give each other words of validation that we are on the way to a relationship.

Think about that the next time you’re in a relationship. Commitment is an amazing thing. Commit and see what happens.