Do Your Kid Drive You Nuts? 2 Things You Need To Know
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I love my daughter.
I think she’s absolutely amazing.
But boy, does she drive me nuts.
And you know what? One day she’s going to be old enough that, if she searches back into my blogs and she goes back 17 years, she might actually read this article.
That was like my ex’s big thing. Don’t ever talk about our daughter in the blog. One day she might read it. And I’m thinking to myself, one day she might read something are you kidding me. I write almost 1,000 articles a year. It would be like finding a fucking needle in a haystack for her to read the exact article about how I felt about her when she was six years old. Because the only thing that I’ve written about her is how much I love her and how beautiful she is in my life. But goddamn is she maddening.
1. Never let kids rule your life and don’t let them make adult decisions.
There is a thing called attachment parenting, which absolutely makes my stomach want to hurl.
It’s big in Venice and Santa Monica and Marina Del Rey, where I live. I actually hate it. Because to me, attachment parents are helicopter moms and hover dads.
They are constantly hovering. They need their kids in their life more than they need themselves.
They put their child first before they put themselves first.
Which is a big fucking mistake, because I put myself first. I’m a great dad. When I am with my daughter, I make sure I am 1000% present. I make sure I play games with her. I play dolls and babies and I make things talk and I make sure that she has a great time and I pay full on attention to her. So much so, that when I don’t pay attention to her for five seconds, she looks at me and says play, dad, play. Because I took my eyes off of her for one second.
Am I doing it right? I have no idea. But I am not an attachment parent. A parent that believes that co-sleeping in a bed with a child is healthy.
I find it really actually disgusting. Kids need to be in their bed. If they want to crawl in their parents bed at 6 o’clock in the morning and come say hello and fall asleep for the hour, that’s fine. If you want to share a bed with a kid when you go away for a weekend, that’s fine. But this cuddling and snuggling and having the kid in your bed every single night because the kid can’t sleep alone. That is based on your shit.
Your neediness.
Your need to be around your child because most of the time parents who are full of the attachment theory are people that don’t know how to take care of themselves at all. They’ve got some triggers inside them that make them put their kid first no matter what, and you know what?
If I don’t take care of my own needs, wants and desires and I don’t make sure that I’m not healthy and happy, I can’t be a great dad for my daughter. And it’s very easy for me to take care of myself and take care of my daughter and take care of my business.
Attachment parents drive me nuts. I can’t stand the whole thing because they allow kids to make decisions that they shouldn’t make, which leaves us to number two.
2. Children need structure.
They shouldn’t be put into an adult decision, and that’s been a big mistake with me.
You see, I’ve always thought kids should have structure. Parents lead. You tell a kid what the schedule is and the kid goes to mom’s and dad’s on those specific nights.
And if they struggle with it? Well, you talk them through it, but you make sure they are still at their other parent’s house that night and you fully fucking support it.
But this attachment parenting is called child-lead development. And to me, it puts a child in a position of an adult. I don’t want to be at dad’s house tonight I’m going to make that decision.
The child is four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten. They do not make that decision.
The courts even tell you kids can’t make that decision.
Child therapists tell you that kids can’t make that decision. But yet these hippie-dippie attachment parents allow their children to make those decisions, which leads to a confused kid. Because the attachment is a needy parent and the kid will always go to the neediest parent when they are younger because they feel that needy energy that parent is putting off. This rant was well needed.
Because I don’t know what you feel about divorce and splitting kids up but I got to tell you something I just feel that kids need structure and my biggest mistake was allowing a child to make decisions that she should not make.
And that’s why lately I’m putting my foot down because I’m tired of it. It’s a bunch of bullshit to me. Anyway, what do you feel about attachment parenting? I love our new subjects that we are talking about.
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