Stop Being A Relationship Victim
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There are two sides to every story.
We’ve heard this over and over again.
You could sit down with two people who are in a relationship and you’re going to go two different versions of any story they have.
You’re going to have her story.
And his story.
Both stories are equally right. It just depends on the perspective that the person has on how they take full blame for what they do in a relationship.
Too many people play the victim, and the victim can be played in many different ways.
The victim can be played in a way such that the other person did everything to that person, and that this person was perfect. And they can blame everything in the relationship for what the other person did.
And then there’s the other side of the victim. There are people that play the victim this way and don’t even realize that they’re the victim.
They’ll literally send me an e-mail and tell me that they blew the relationship.
It was all their fault that the relationship didn’t work out.
And that’s their victim story.
It seems like so many people love to play the victim story when it comes down to relationships.
But here’s what’s wrong with being the victim.
A relationship is a 50/50 decision. Surely there are a lot of things in a relationship that, when it doesn’t go right, one person may be more responsible for than the other person.
There might be disagreements. There might be things that go wrong. But once again, as you can see, it’s all 50/50.
If you’re with someone who’s extremely stubborn and they’re proud of it, that to me is somebody who never wants to grow, because truly stubborn people don’t really grow. Because you’re never hearing what anybody else has to say.
You see, if you’re with someone who’s truly stubborn, then guess what? They are also responsible for choosing to be stubborn. Every relationship is 50/50 no matter how you look at it. The dynamic that is created between two people is created between two people for a reason.
So, if you’re choosing to be a victim in a relationship, whether you are taking responsibility for everything that went wrong or you’re throwing the responsibility at somebody else, either way you’re choosing the victim side.
So the next time a relationship doesn’t work, whether it’s person, or business, or friendship, two people were involved in that relationship. It took two people’s unique dynamic to make the relationship go in the direction that it went.
There is nothing you can do but take responsibility for what your actions may have caused, what you may have done. But you can’t take responsibility for how they reacted to things and how they chose to perceive things.
That’s why relationships that have great communication are relationships that actually have a success rate much higher than any other one. I would prefer to over-communicate than to under-communicate. Because under-communicating tends to lead to friction and, ultimately, the end of a relationship, because you tend to blow up when you under-communicate.
So the next time you want to play victim, and the next time you choose to not take responsibility for your actions in a relationship, I want you to go and read this one more time. Because a relationship is between two people. Only when you choose to live life on your own can you actually be 100% sure that you are to blame for everything.
But even then, you’ll blame other people. When you get cut off by a car, you’ll blame that person for doing that to you. A lot of people like to blame those things. A lot of people like to be the victim in life, because it’s far easier and neater to write the victim story than any other story.
I’ve talked about that in many blogs, and I always find this to be something that is very important to speak about over and over again. Enough with victims. Every single relationship that you have in your life is a choice between two people and how they want to participate.
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Vonnie
Friday, December 16th, 2016