someone who doesn't own their own shitWhat do you do with someone who can’t own their own shit? I’ve written about this character before. I call her Teflon Sally or Teflon Larry. Everything they say slides off, just like the egg in the morning. You know when you put a little bit of butter in the pan? You throw the egg in there and it just seems to flip with ease. And then, when you clean the pot, you can literally clean that whole pot with a paper towel by just wiping it clean. Well, that’s what Teflon Larry or Teflon Sally is all about.

They don’t own their shit. No matter what you say, or no matter what you do, you will never get through to them. Ever. They’ll always twist and turn your words. You can sit there and pour your heart out to them, and they will react to something. They will harp on one word, one phrase. And they’ll turn it all back upon them.

You can tell them that your life is terrible at the moment, and they’ll look at you and say: “You think your life is terrible? My life is even worse. Do you want to make a list, and we can compare?” They’ll compete with you in every way, shape, and form. They can have the flu and you could be playing with the kids on the floor, and they think that the kids like you better at that moment, they will get down on their hands and knees and they will go and they will play. Because they live in fear.

Anybody that doesn’t own their own shit lives in fear because they’re afraid of being seen. And to them, being seen means that they’re going to have to own their shit.

Every relationship story they have, they’re the victim of that relationship. People have done them wrong. You didn’t love them. You stopped loving them even though they wanted to love you. You gave up on them and never gave them a chance. It’s all victim stories, and it’s all from people that don’t own their own shit.

They try to control everything. Their children. Their relationships. Because they don’t want to own their shit.

So how do you deal with Teflon Larry or Teflon Sally? You don’t. I know you think to yourself right now, “there must be a way to talk, there must be a way to get through to them. There must be a way to make them understand.”

There is no way to make them understand. You’re not going to make them understand. They don’t want to understand. They don’t want to grow. They don’t want to be understood. They want things the way they need to be in their neat little world.

I spent years with somebody like that, and I was just giving up. I didn’t even like having a conversation with them, because I knew they’re never going to understand. They’re never going to see my point of view. It’s always going to be about them. They won’t even care to admit anything, so it might seem like you’ve won, but really, they just gave up.

You see, if you want to get something out of somebody like that, you just have to state it as a demand. And you have to tell them, literally, that this is the way things are going to be. They’ll fight you on it, but they’ll also know that what you’re asking for is something that you do deserve or do need and they’ll give in.

But they won’t give in and feel good about it. They’ll make you sweat things out, they’ll ignore conversations. If you go to them and you ask for more time with children, greater respect, whatever it might be, they’re going to ignore it, hope it goes away, because they don’t want to own up their own shit.

And then you just have to be persistent. With someone like that, you need to be persistent. It’s almost like dealing with a bully, but it’s a verbal bully. It’s an emotional bully. So you need to be really persistent with somebody like that, because if you’re persistent with them, then they know you’re not going to stop, you’re not going to give up, and eventually they’ll compromise. But they won’t tell you or acknowledge it, they’ll just allow it, and they’ll make it seem like it was their idea in the first place.

They’re some of the most frustrating people to deal with, by far. I don’t like to deal with somebody like that. As a matter of fact, it’s the last type of person I want to deal with. So I haven’t had many people like this in my life that have been like that. And when I do have someone like that’s in my life like that, I try to not deal with them in any way.

I put everything in writing. Why? Because having a verbal conversation with them sucks. The minute you start having a verbal conversation with them, they’ll cut you off. They’re not really going to listen to you, they’re not really going to hear you. They will cut you off. So it’s better to put it in writing and stay persistent in writing. Write them over and over again, write them the same e-mail over and over again so they can re-read it.

Make sure you’re also complimenting something about them first, because they they’re in fear, and they’re in fear mode all the time. So first you write them something with a compliment going, like “you looked so beautiful today, I’m so glad you’re happy, I’m so glad your new relationship is great,” whatever it is.

What you’re doing then is actually saying, “well, yeah, kind of priming them a little bit.” You’re making them feel good. You’re acknowledging their amazingness, and then you ask what you need to ask for. They’ll ignore it, and then you stay persistent on it.

The less face-to-face contact you have with them, the better it is. Put everything in writing. Everything. Because they’ll read it over and over again, and they’ll get pissed off. They’ll read it and they know you’re serious. I’m not saying threaten them, that comes next. So that’s how you fucking deal with them.