Give Him Space!

I got a great email from a man today that I want to share with all of you. I want to share it with you because it might be your next relationship, and I don’t want to see you blow it, as the woman in this email seems to be doing with this man.

So the email came in from Gregory Smith.

Gregory lives in Texas. His email really tore me apart. For one, I really felt for the woman in this and you will too. He says…

“Dear David,

I’m writing this to you because I don’t know what else to do. I’ve been divorced now for three years. I have 4 lovely children, all from the ages of 8 to 17. My ex-wife and I are very amicable in all ways. We split custody of the kids and we have a really good co-parenting friendship.

I met this woman. She’s absolutely amazing. A little more background information about me. I’m a 53 year-old man who loves to date immature women and I found one in Marianne.

Marianne is a beautiful 51 year-old woman. Marianne has never been married or never had kids. She was a career woman for a long time. Lived in New York City, partied a lot, played a lot, and just never had the kids that she was wanting. She got involved in this long 17-year relationship with this man, and they were going to try to have a kid and they were going to try to adopt, but it never materialized.

Marianne and I live together, but I don’t know for how much longer. You see, Marianne has child envy, and it shows up all the time. I get my kids every other weekend, and one weekend a month, I really just want to be with my children. They like Marianne. They think she’s sweet, but they just want to be with dad, and I have to explain myself continually.

Marianne gets upset non-stop. She says she wants to be a part of this, and the thing is Marianne is a big part of my life. But, she’s putting so much pressure on me because she never had kids. I don’t know what to do. Every time I bring it up, tension comes. Every time I try to talk to her, she gets upset, and all I’m asking for is one weekend a month with my kids. We have literally 27 other days a month that we’re together, alone and with my kids. I’m not asking for much, but Marianne desperately wanted this in her life and now doesn’t understand that I need some space. David help!”

David Says…

Gregory, I know how it feels for Marianne. I know a lot of women that have never had children and a lot of them wish they did. She’s just trying so hard to have the family that she never had. And the sad thing about it is she’s destroying what’s special between you and her.

I agree you’re not asking for much. You’re asking for a couple of days a month just to be with your kids because it’s important for them to spend alone time with Daddy. But she can’t let go of her own frustrated dream.  You actually made it come true.  She’s now a Stepmom to some beautiful kids.  To her, she’s making up for lost time.  But I agree, if she doesn’t back down and back off, she’s going to push you into that man cave.  If she pushes you deep into that man cave, you’re not going to come out.

If anything you’re going to leave because I’ve seen it happen so many times. I’ve seen women like this, not understanding, and I’ve seen men make the same type of mistakes.

My advice to you is to tell her one last time that you love her, you want to be with her, but you need this special time with your kids.  She needs to understand it doesn’t take anything away from you and her. She’s still going to get closer to your kids, but there’s nothing more important than alone time with Dad.

You need to explain it to her. You need to check in while you’re with the kids. Tell her you love her, make her feel secure, and see what happens next. Otherwise, she’s going to sabotage it, ruin it, and lose a good man like you.

Thank you for allowing me to post this email so other women can learn from this because I think this is an important lesson.  Thank you for sharing.

And ladies, please take heed, give him space, because otherwise you could ruin a great thing before it even gets started!