Congratulations! You Already Found “The One”

Women's Advice Dating Tips, Uncategorized

By David Wygant May 19, 2014 284 Shares

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

Looking for the one We’re always looking for “The One.”

It’s like a life mission and we won’t feel fulfilled until we find “The One.”

But let me tell you something…

You already found the one. That’s right. You found the one in high school, you found the one in college, you found the one after college, and you found the one you married. Yes, they were ALL the one. And guess what’s going to happen now? You’re going to find another one, and that’s the way I want you to start thinking about your life and dating.

You need to change your mindset, and take all the pressure off yourself to settle down with one person. I want you to start thinking about love as a series of other “ones.”

You’re going to find another one to spend time with, another one to learn about yourself from, another one to have amazing sex with, another one to feel loved with, and another one to have amazing adventures with.

Instead of obsessing over the whole magical Disney fantasy, look at each man you meet as another “one.”

Why worry about looking for one person you’ll stay with for the rest of your life? Maybe he doesn’t exist. Maybe you’re the type of person who is meant to be with lots of men throughout your life. Maybe you’re the kind of women who gets on better having a series of five-year relationships between now and the rest of your life. You’re putting way too much pressure on yourself to find a needle in a haystack.

Think about it this way. All your life so far you’ve been looking for the one. How’s that worked out for you? Have you found him yet? Maybe it’s time to change the way you’re thinking. Maybe it’s time to get a grip on your expectations. Maybe it’s time to change your whole attitude and mindset to love. Sure, it’d be lovely to spend your life with one person. Maybe one you’ll meet someone you can settle down with for the rest of your life. It would be beautiful wouldn’t it?

Maybe You’re Not Meant To Find The One!

But what it the universe has a different plan for you?

See, life is all about being open to what life brings your way. Life is about being flexible in your beliefs, and the most successful people are the ones able to adapt the way they think to new ways of doing things. Be honest about all “the ones” in your life. Don’t you think you might have had less stress and enjoyed the relationships more, if you hadn’t been so desperate for them to be “the one?” How many of these guys did you believe were “the one?” How many of them did you think you were going to marry and have kids with?

Let’s talk openly today. How many times in your life did you really believe you’d found Mr. Right, and how did it end for you?

Are you ready to embrace a new way of thinking about dating? Are you ready to live and love without the pressure of looking for your lifetime love? Are you ready to start enjoying dating rather than making it a mission?

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

25 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Elizabeth

Monday, May 19th, 2014

I certainly thought I found my "One" when I got married 19 years ago. Having been been divorced for 10 years and NOT dating, I have finally dipped a toe into the dating pool. I've been on two dates with a really nice man Quite frankly, I'm not worried if he is my next "One" or not. I simply want to enjoy dating and getting to know this guy a bit. (And yes... there will be a third date this weekend.... :) )

Laura N.

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

Good for you, Elizabeth! I hope the date this weekend goes well for you! It sounds as if he is setting up the date while you are still on a date... I like it when man does this. It lets you know that he is interested and wants to be sure he can see you again soon! Yay! And yeah, I know I have met several "Ones," who were perfect for me at the time, but then we drifted apart or broke up for whatever reason. However, I do know I want to be in a long term relationship with a man. i enjoy the closeness and connection you have when you are in love. While I am simply enjoying the moment with the guy I'm seeing, I am starting to suspect there could be something more developing... and this guy could very well be my next "One..."

Caroline

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

That's great Elizabeth and Laura! David-this blog really spoke to me. For me personally, I have a decidedly different view on relationships at this point in my life. I was married for 23 years and have been divorced now for a little over 5. My home life can be very complicated with 25 and 16 year old sons. I'm putting my eldest through college and raising both of them to be self sufficient young men. I do know I desire a monogamous long term relationship with a man but it doesn't have to be tied up in the strings of marriage. I'm at a really good point in my family life, career and great friendships. A laid back, loving relationship with a man would be the cherry on top of the sundae!

Laura N.

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

I feel the same way, Caroline. Marriage isn't that important to me at this point. I am what one of my confirmed single gfs calls "a relationship girl." But, like you, I want that relationship to be the cherry on sundae...not the whole sundae. (Welll, maybe the whipped cream on the sundae...)

Caroline

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

Yum!!!-lol

Kathleen T

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

I can't picture myself getting married again either I think marriage is what you want when your looking for someone to start a family with and then spend the rest of your life with but now I had the kids and the rest of my life thing is not going to happen I don't feel the need to get married I just want a nice respectful man to be my friend and companion hopefully for a long time!

Matt Svenska

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

What is your take on online dating david? :)

Jess

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

Great article, David! I"m not in a rush to find the one, nor am I ready for that. All I care about now is college, enjoying life and connecting with like-minded, interesting people. The "one" can wait!

Lenok

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

There will be many.

Meghan

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

I found the one at 16. We were together 44 yrs until he died at 60. After grieving I went out and found not one, not two, but three guys on line in one week that appealed to me. I dated all three for several months before deciding one needed to go. Now I am in a quandry because both remaining guys are great. I didn't expect to find another fairy tale love like I had with my husband. That happens rarely. It was epic. I went on line and just wanted to find someone to have fun with.. It's been a year and I'm still going strong with both guys. I want them both. They are spectacular men, well off too, who treat me like a princess and are as different as night and day. My problem is I can't make up my mind between them and both want a committment. I love them both! I didn't think it was possible to love to guys at once, but it is. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with either one quite happily, but it's not what I want at this time of my life. I want them both. Any ideas how to get the guys to back off the committment thing?

Jenny

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

LOVE THE ONE YOU ARE WITH I am in Phoenix ready to go up to Flagstaff where I am hearing is a raging forest fire. So no doubt the interstate will close and I won't be able to go up. The problem is I am in school to be a nurse practitioner and I have a final project for my online physical assessment class involving my "patient" who lives in Flagstaff. So I am laughing hysterically about how the universe says:"yes" and "no". Anyway as I am corresponding with my teacher in Philadelphia via email, David your email showed up. What a _ _ _ _ _ _ _ concept!!! "Love the one you are with". I am laughing to the point of tears as the two concepts collide powerlessness over natural disasters and love (a natural phenomenon) . You see I met this guy who I really like and he tells me he is leaving Phoenix at the end of the year to travel. He won't be coming back. So of course I say I may not want to invest much in him because I want a relationship. Why did I break up with him because I don't want to throw myself into someone who is leaving..broken heart, pain, crying etc. However, there is this voice in me that says "maybe you are going to learn how to be left without falling apart." Or maybe you are going with him or maybe, maybe...there is something to learn. Anyway, what I got from your blog is just what I needed to hear because I am really exhausted searching for "the one". I was with "the one" for 26 long painful years. So the lesson in all of this is that relationships are not permanent, people enter our lives to teach us things about ourselves and there is some freedom in all of that. Now I will wait a couple of weeks and see where things are with my current "the one" (time out for final exam prep on my part). David the best blog ever so far (for me at least)! Thanks, Jenny

Mike

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

Jenny, I was reading your post, "LOVE THE ONE YOU ARE WITH"...You had met a man who told you he was going on a traveling adventure. You really liked him and wanted a relationship but didn't put yourself out there because you didn't want to look like your begging. Mistake number one...You didn't tell him your feelings. How so? In your heart, you didn't want him to go and that is what you should have told him. When you told him that you didn't want to invest anymore time because you wanted a relationship, that was putting up a wall to protect yourself rather than pursing what you want. Most likely it gave him the impression the relationship was weak because you were willing to walk away so easily. Men are lousy picking up a woman's hints, it's a work in progress, some are better at it than others...we are more literal. He may have not realized you felt that strong about him, or he might have been not that into you. Regardless, when you put it on the line, there is no second guessing, it's like putting your best effort at the time out there when you tell him how you feel! You get closure or you get the man of your dreams! Remember that next time when met a man whom you like and want a relationship with! :)

JENNY

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

Mike, Thanks for your feedback! The first time John and I met, I told him I wanted a relationship..in fact I told him that I wanted a boyfriend and he repeated it back to me what my want : "a boyfriend". I also told him I was afraid and when he asked why I told him "because I pick runners." This is probably a case where I heard what I wanted to hear or went to an old place I sometimes go to of thinking I could change his mind. I had a very detailed discussion with him about my past, his past..one of the most honest discussions I have ever had with a guy. What I did not understand is what he meant by "traveling". Traveling for him meant moving away from Phoenix forever..living a nomadic existence. For me it meant travel..to go on a trip to return "home" in the near future. For me as a woman...I become more attracted to a guy the more vulnerable I am with him and the more he is to me. The more I share openly and honestly, the more intimate I am (into me you see) the more connected I feel. I want more of that...not less. It is also very much tied into my sexual connection with him.. So the prospects of starting that with someone who is leaving just reminds me of past hurts, the process of healing and pain,pain and pain. However, as I said, goodbyes are hard and maybe this is a lesson in connecting right here and right now without looking to the future or fixating on the past. When I last spoke with John and restated what I wanted he did not turn away. However, I did say lets take a couple weeks off because we both got busy (me in school trying to finish this quarter in grad school and him with intense business pressures) and we will talk in a couple of weeks. (Mutually agreed on and brought up by both of us). What I have learned so far is that there are no coincidences, people come and go in relationships and in fact Mike you and I having this conversation; we are having a relationship albeit as pen pals. LIfe is what we are doing right now. What I know about John is he is an in the moment person to the max and I like that about him. There are not rules to love and relationships, we can't put them in a box with a nice little ribbon..they are raw, breathing, morphing beings which is who we are. Jenny

Mike

Saturday, May 24th, 2014

Jenny, Wow, we are in a relationship already, your moving too fast...lol :) Sounds like John was using a play with words to soften the blow to you. Unless he's from another country or speaks another language more than he does English. Travel does mean going somewhere and eventually coming back. Moving somewhere is when your not coming back unless it is in a visit capacity. But then as I continued to read your post, you mentioned him being a moment guy or as I would call him: spontaneous. I mean he's really spontaneous, he's like out there somewhere which explains his "travel" phrase. It sounds like your very disciplined, and very goal orientated. Grad school is not a walk in the park rather it requires intelligence and discipline which is why spontaneous behavior is more appealing to you than the average woman. For example, I know of a person who is a comic, but when she gets home, she wants to be more serious. We as people love to show more than one side of our unique personality rather than being confined to only one aspect of it. That was awesome you were honest and up front with him...Did John tell you he wanted a girlfriend? Do these "runners" who you choose, do they tell you that they want a girlfriend first? I suggest you ask a guy who you are interested in, what they want first. By doing so, it helps weed out the players, or in your case, "the runners"...And then once they do tell you want they want, then you tell them what you want. Yes, we have now a "pen pal relationship", many would call it the "friend zone"...We met in a place that normally would not have happened otherwise. Chances are, I wouldn't have seen you in public and talked to you about John or your life in general. I'm old school, I prefer verbal, more personalized attention but I'm also open to other forms of communication. It was a pleasure meeting you Jenny! :)

Shonta

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

I think you are right ! I've never thought of it this way. I seem so desperate wanting to lock down he guy and don't really enjoy the date to its fullest. I will keep this concept in mind.

Caroline

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

@meghan. I think it's wonderful you're having so much fun dating:). Your predicament: getti g the guys to back off from commitment. I am ASSUMING that the guys know about each other. While I think it's wonderf you're enjoying the dating process, I also think you should consider how the two guys feel. While it may be a "fairy tale" for you it could well be a nightmare for them. I think if you don't want to commit to either you have to be prepared to lose not one but both if them in the process.

Caroline

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

@meghan-I tried to post this earlier but I don't know where it went?! Sorry if I'm repeating myself. I think it's wonderful you are enjoying the dating process and you have every right to proceed as you wish. While it may be a "fairy tale" for you it could very well be a nightmare for the guys. I am ASSUMING they know about each other or at least that you are actively dating others. I would just be honest with either if they push but you have to be prepared to lose not one but both of them in the process. I think you might step back and really ponder if you're in "love" with them both or if you are in love with the idea of them both. You might just be enjoying all the attention after a long marriage which ended too soon. Nothing wrong with that:) I would just maybe try to put yourself in the guys shoes. Good luck!

Laura N.

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

@Meghan, I have to agree with Caroline here. What you see as a fairy tale could be a nightmare for both of those guys. I do have a suggestion for you. You need to stop the global comparisons between these men and break your situation down to its different dimensions. You need to think about the following: WHO the men are in themselves. WHAT your relationship is with each one. WHAT your lifestyle would be with each. WHO you are with each. I would suggest doing a list of each man's qualities in these four categories, rate how important they are to you so you can get an idea of which guy is a better fit for you. I did this at the end of my relationship with my ex and the man I was having an affair with... and realized I needed to be out of the primary relationship...but that what was going on with my affair partner probably wouldn't last. Good luck to you!

Kim

Friday, May 23rd, 2014

I get what ur sharing and I always start out with attitude that im just here to hang out n have some fun and enjoy this. Then it seems I get attached becuz I fall for the charm it seems

Mike

Wednesday, May 28th, 2014

Jenny, Your welcome! :) You say..."In the first date, I usually don’t say that I am looking for a boyfriend. I meet most of my dating prospect online dating. I go by what they say in their profile and John said “relationship” on his profile. I will often ask while initially chatting with these men what they are looking for and share what I am looking for. For some reason that did not happen. I also think perhaps John had not updated it or not sure." Do you mention that your looking for a relationship in your profile, rather than relying on a word listing, like "relationship?" I also suggest you expand your dating pool, you engage too much with internet dating. Now on a more personal basis with your interaction with men, what do you do when you come across a man whom your attracted too? 1) Smile at him 2) Look at the ground hoping he'll say something to you 3) Ask for help with something 4) Ask to use his phone so you can call up his dad or mom to ask how to get his attention to talk to you...lol 5) Talk to him first... 6) Make eye contact 7) Other When you complete this exam, I'll be giving you a grade by the end of the week...lol :) In all seriousness though, what do you do when you are attracted to a man? What places to you go when you haven't buried yourself in homework? It's time to expand your dating pool so Mr right finds you! :)

JENNY

Wednesday, May 28th, 2014

Gosh Mike are you a mole of David's? LOL Despite my efforts, I really do not meet men out and about. I tried for awhile, but have not been successful. I am a very friendly person (chat with cashiers, people in line, the barista, people in elevators), smile at all people including men. I tried talking to guys in grocery stores, smile, strike up a conversation but they look at me in definite fear or act like I am in their space or will mug them at any moment. One time I was behind a handsome man in a chef's uniform and he had about 20 containers of Bib lettuce. I said:" so what do you have planned for all that lettuce?" We got into a conversation about culinary school, his restaurant and that he was opening a branch in Atlanta. I am from near Atlanta so I asked him where and I knew exactly where he was opening. We talked for awhile and then he threw in something about his wife. So I closed with a good luck..did not see a ring, etc..so I put those sorts of incidences in the "experience category". I go to Starbucks and sometimes I study there for variety or other coffee shops. Sometimes I go to a coffee shop and read with part of that time just sitting, looking and trying to gain some kind of eye contact, chat be very friendly. Each time I go on line I write 1-3 guys and some engage in polite conversation but it goes nowhere unless I push it and then those end up being that the guy wants to hook up. It is rare that I get a spontaneous email from a guy unless he is not someone I find attractive, 71 or 31 year old guys are common, can't talk to past news, sports and weather. My work requires that I make split decisions, I can be aggressive, but I am pretty soft and feminine in the dating arena but I do put myself out there. After attempts, I get discouraged and take a break. I mean, one can only take so much rejection. Maybe I am having a bad guy day,so please excuse my brutality here but: I am calm, peaceful, attractive, smart, accomplished, a great listener, a shameless flirt, pretty intuitive,an excellent lover..but I have to say I am pretty weary about the whole dating scene and getting to the point of acceptance that maybe the one was my ex and I spent the majority of my adult life with him. I am beginning to wonder what are men for: I have a full life. When I am done with school, I can write my own ticket. I sexually please myself and no guy so far has been able to top me as a lover. The more I learn about men the more I find them to be without and depth, dishonest, confused, cowardly, with limited insight into themselves, wounded, resentful, self centered, are fickle species, angry and poor lovers. They are into what they do, have and skin/surface things (how many times you work out, where you vacation, how you look in a bikini). I know I am probably generalizing and there are some great guys..I just have not had the pleasure. I am just kind of tired of the whole thing..so that is me being honest and no doubt have flunked the test. (Sorry David) but If I buy another "how to understand men product", I may go insane...because my experience is that the more I try and understand the less I understand. I would switch teams but I am very much heterosexual :-). As always Mike, feedback is welcomed! Jenny

Mike

Thursday, May 29th, 2014

Jenny, Am I a mole of David's...? I hope not, maybe undercover but no mole...lol :) It sounds like to me, you have mountains of expectations. You travel through the slopes and valleys of your expectations and then it starts snowing and you get cold, so you take a break...On the other hand, your efforts are quite remarkable and impressive. You should have fun with the experience no matter what the outcome is. Have you tried hardware stores like Home Depot? As far as your approaches in stores. Keep in mind, most guys do not get approached by beautiful women. As men, we are the ones expected to take the lead and approach first, but sometimes women like yourself will approach a man. I know how you feel with the chef, when my mom was alive and I was searching for a place for her to live (she required assistant living) I came across a beautiful gal at one of the places I was considering. Of course she was a hired gun who worked in admissions. Previously, she was a doctor's assistant. Well as she was giving me a tour, I was telling her a funny story. She related, telling me a funny story of her own, and then injected that she was engaged. I didn't see the ring either. I was disappointed, I think she could feel my disappointment. She was fun to talk to. So I kept flirting with her a bit, but there was no more intention of asking her out. But there was one thing that bothered me about her that even if she was single, I don't think I would have asked her out which happened on my second tour which was in a different building. I wanted my mom to be able to use her bed, it was nice and big (queen size) and she was used to it which is important with the elderly. I couldn't move her into the building where she could use her bed and I wanted to get her out of the nursing home as soon as possible. That is a story in itself. So I noticed in the other building only single bed could fit. I had concerns, because my mom had fallen out of the single bed in the nursing home a couple of times. I brought this up to her, and she argued that wouldn't happen there. Well it did happen, two weeks after moving in, she fell out, hurting her arm. I wasn't too happy with her, I felt like she went overboard with her sales that cost my mom her safety. She became friendly with my mom, often times telling me how she liked my mom. She flirted more too and was now married. I wasn't as flirty. I still liked talking to her. But I tell you what, it would be a cold day in hell that I would ever ask her out if she was single because of that argument she posed to me over my mom's safety when I was considering that place. Back to the chef, even though he threw in his wife (perhaps he could feel your attraction) did you still enjoy the conversation? I'm not looking at that as a failure, because you didn't fail. It had nothing to do with you. There is nothing wrong with feeling some disappointment. It's what you do to move on that separate the girls from the women...:) Write this rule down or should I say type this rule down somewhere on your computer for online dating..."I shall not push a man into dating, if he wants to date, then he will take the lead and if he doesn't, he's not interested, all I can do is be myself." When it comes to online dating, the majority of men do not feel the nerves like they would in person. So there should be no need to push on your end. That is why some men think your trying to hook up with them. Back to the mountains of expectations, I hope your not using the Sybian...lol No human could move like....:) So to sum it up so far, be more patient, reign in those expectations, have fun with your experiences unless it has to do with you it is not failure!

Jenny

Friday, May 30th, 2014

HI Mike, I think you are very much on target here. I am definitely making this whole dating thing a chore. It has not been fun and I am evolving to the idea that John does not have my best interest in mind. I have been observing to see if his deeds match his words and they do not. So now I gotta break up with him because I am seeing self centeredness in many areas. It is nice to have that settled in my mind. I am sure this whole dating thing is a process like whittling down through the layers of an onion or maybe debris a wound. I learn each time what I do and do not want with these guys. That lady and your mom is a definite bad sign...using her womanly wiles to get you to place your mom in her facility. It is funny she did not trust your experience with your mom..so good instincts on your part. I had another incident of having this long conversation with a guy I met..this time a coffee shop. I could tell he was a little taken with me (or so I thought) and at the end the statement "my wife", came forth from his mouth...no ring just like the other. Not taking it personally, I am not sure why these guys don't wear rings.. So lowering expectations, treating this like a big experiment, practice, lesson and hoping to be pleasantly surprised in coming across "the guy" for me. In the mean time..looking for things to do that put me in a place to be exposed to men. Getting back that zest for just enjoying people that I meet daily. I do like what David's advise is the think about how I want "to feel" in a relationship. This one (or whatever) with John does not feel good at all. Jenny

char

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014

I met a guy thru work but we're in different states, he called me every night for two months..he hyped me up, I knew there was a Chance to be just friends..I loved the conversation, he's so intelligent, he's a professional I just work in the office..i flirted with him...after the 2 months he flew me out to see him for a few days, when I got there we got intimate, next day I asked what do you think he says no chemistry, I told him I wanna go home why should I be there if no chemistry, I flew home, so now when I talk to him on phone it's awkward..I don't mind being just friends because I loved talking to him..any chance of us ever being friends, but he acts as if we met..

Congratulations! You Already Found “The One”

Maybe You’re Not Meant To Find The One!

About David

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25 Comments | Join the Discussion!

Cancel reply

Elizabeth

Laura N.

Caroline

Laura N.

Caroline

Kathleen T

Matt Svenska

Jess

Lenok

Meghan

Jenny

Mike

JENNY

Mike

Shonta

Caroline

Caroline

Laura N.

Kim

Mike

JENNY

Mike

Jenny

char