Dating your dogI met this woman a couple of months back. We were flirting and having good conversation, but she kept talking about “we.”

She was saying things like, “Oh we went to New York last week. We had such an amazing time. We love it there.”

I’m thinking obviously she’s talking about her man, so I didn’t force the issue. Everything we talked about she’d throw in a reference to “we.”  I thought it was great. It was beautiful to see someone who was so into their relationship. Anyway, we swapped numbers so we could chat again and I went on my way. Thinking she had a boyfriend, I did the decent thing and didn’t ask her out or anything.

I ran into her again yesterday. After chatting for a while I said, “Tell me about this guy you’re with. You seem so happy and into him. You guys go all over the place together. He sounds great.”

“I’m single,” she says.

“What do you mean you’re single?” I ask. “You’re always talking about WE doing things together.”

“I’m talking about my dog Fred.” She explained.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. When I first met this woman I’d have asked her out, but I didn’t because she sounded like she was dating this incredible guy. I’d not heard a woman sound more in love for ages. I told her it sounded like she was in the best relationship of her life, and you know what she said?

“I am. This is the best relationship of my life.”

I looked at her and said, “You know that sounds pretty screwed up don’t you? If this is the best relationship of your life then you’re in trouble. The relationship you’re in right now is with a creature. Yeah, I get some people treat their dogs as if they’re human, but let’s get real. Your dog sniffs other dog’s butts. Your dog licks the ground, and eats disgusting things off it. And your dog can’t talk to you!”

Dog people think their dog understands everything they say, but all they hear is tonality. Everything is just blah blah blah to them, but they know what you want by the way you say it. They understand, sit, stay, do you want a biscuit, but that’s about it. Do you really want your best relationship to be with an animal similar to a primate? I know how you feel about certain men, and certain men are like primates themselves. I’ll attest to my own species about that. The thing is, I’d have asked this woman out when I met her. I told her, the only reason I didn’t was I thought she had a man in her life.  

She said, “Really?”

“Yep. I thought you were in love. When I met you I’d have asked you out, and maybe we’d have fallen in love. The trouble is you’re too into your dog.” I told her. She laughed, but I think she got the message. Some women use dogs as a substitute love affair and it’s not right. I strongly suggest you cut out the “we” when you talk to a man and you’re referring to your dog. If you’re closest relationship is with an animal, you need to look at whether you’re opening up enough to other people. Have you given up on men? Have you emotionally closed down?

I can see why people love dogs. They adore you no matter what you do, but you need to open your heart up for men. And don’t make the dog a third party in the relationship. Most guys hate it. If we’re in a relationship, we start fooling around, and the dog jumps up on the bed, I’m not going to like it. I owned dogs for a long time, and they always stay out the room if I’m having sex. Some women I know don’t mind their dogs even being on the bed while they’re with a guy. That’s disgusting isn’t it?

I don’t want a dog huffing and puffing in my face while I’m doing that!

Look at how you’re using the dog and think about whether you’re filling a whole in your heart with it. If you travel the world with your dog, you need to think about whether you lack intimacy in your life. Dog’s aren’t substitute men. Stop using the word “we,” when you talk about your dog. Start opening your heart and connecting with men, and not just a creature you’ve trained to go out to pee three times a day!

Imagine that. Only being only allowed to go out and pee three times a day.  It must be uncomfortable to be a dog!