Are You Terrified Of Online Dating?

Women's Advice Online Dating, Uncategorized

By David Wygant January 31, 2014 183 Shares

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

American Psyco Do you know what women’s number one fear is when they’re online dating?

Women’s greatest fear about online dating, is that the guy will turn out to be a serial killer. Not Captain Crunch, or Fruit Loops. Then he’d be a gay serial killer, but normally any one of the “Psycho” derivatives is what women are most afraid of. What I’m about to reveal is the difference between men and women online, and the reason why so many times we don’t understand each other.

Are you ready to discover men’s biggest fear about online dating? Are you ready for the big reveal?

Now this isn’t necessarily 100% of men online, but a huge majority. Ready?

They worry you’re overweight!

That’s right. Men are terrified you don’t look like your profile picture and that you’re heavy. They also worry you’re older than you say, and that the worst photo of yourself is what you really look like, and not the prettiest photo.

Isn’t that funny?

They worry more about those things than they do about whether you’re going to come over and kill them.

You could burst through the door and stab him in the head. As long as you’re a tall, leggy, blonde he’ll be cool with it. But seriously, most guys find online dating so hard, they’re just happy they got a response from you in the first place. They’re so shocked they got a response, they assume you’re not who you say you are.

Most guys fish online for so long without women responding to them. When they get a message from you they start to think you’re overweight, in your 80’s, or desperate. They almost don’t believe online dating can work.

There is another big fear men have about meeting you online. And this is a killer. They’re terrified you might be a MAN. It’s never happened to me, but so many guys get screwed online by other men pretending to be women. Most the time it’s lonely geeks that still live at home, teasing men all day pretending to be swimwear models!

It’s amazing how different the sexes can be when it comes to dating. So many guys are stabbing in the dark, hoping and praying that one of the women they contact responds to them. The last thing they care about is if you have baggage, or you’re slightly unstable. It’s only once they meet you and find out you’re crazy it becomes a problem.

(I’m just kidding of course!)

So, there was a little lesson on the differences between men and women’s online dating fears. Women worry about being murdered, men worry they’re being turned on by a spotty male geek, or a heavyweight pretending to be tiny.

How would you like an even closer look into the mind of man?

In “What Men Desire” I reveal exactly how men think, why we act like we do, and what we really desire in a girlfriend.

Go check it out!

Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.

About David

1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.

I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.

Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.

38 Comments | Join the Discussion!

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Cheryl

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

This line made me literally laugh out loud and not just type LOL. "You could burst through the door and stab him in the head. As long as you’re a tall, leggy, blonde he’ll be cool with it." Seriously, though, I've had Match dates tell me their online "horror stories" and they were about misrepresentations concerning weight, age, and gender. I like being truthful on my profile. That way it is WYSIWYG. On the other hand, I actually got scammed last year. When I make plans with a Match to meet in person, I do a basic google search on them. I just want to make sure they are pretty much who they say they are. I couldn't find anything on my Match.What's funny is that one of my other Matches (a district attorney) helped me uncover the scam. Ha! It ended up being a familiar Nigerian scam group. They used some guy's photos. You do have to be careful and do your due diligence before meeting someone.

Laura N

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

hahaha, Cheryl. I grinned at that very same line. Like you, I have heard some of my dates tell me about their online horror stories...and it was mainly out of date photos, etc. I can understand why that would scare men. I had a date with a guy not too long ago who lied about his age and used old photos. Like you, I am truthful on my profile...and I think provide a pleasant survive when I actually LOOK like my pictures. And I do always Google a date just to make sure he is who he says. I also Google sentences in the profile as well to make sure it doesn't pop up on one of the romance scam websites as well. You can't be too careful, after all.

Cheryl H

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

Laura, yes googling phrases is a great idea! I certainly recognize repeat phrases, too. I'm sure, like me, you've gotten good at discerning red flags in a profile pretty quickly. Gee, wonder if this could be a marketable skill?

Cheryl H

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

The thing I would tell all of us women (and maybe David already has), is that there are plenty of men who love women with curves!! We can be sexy and beautiful regardless of size or age. It's about confidence and how we carry ourselves. It's our own feelings of not being enough that leaks out and causes us to be less attractive. It really is about the 'tude!

Laura N

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

Hahaha, Cheryl. I've also gotten very good at picking out the fake pictures... I'll do a Google image search when I suspect some idiot guy has put up a fake picture.

Laura N

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

I am "curvy..." and there are plenty of men who do like curvy. I learned to be comfortable in my own skin and that confidence is what keeps men interested in you. (It only took me 48 years to realize that...)

Cheryl H

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

Laura -- exactly! It's never too late. Only took me 52 years to really appreciate and love my body. :)

Caroline

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

Great post David! I think it's very funny that men are worried about our weight when most male profiles have no pic. What are they hiding? I've learned to ask for a pic before any correspondence begins if I may be interested. I posted several current pics of only myself including full body when I dated online. I had several men still get very ugly with me. Deception by women must be rampant. But men in my opinion are just as bad about age and how much they earn. I never put anything down for preferences except a large age range because I always figured there is more to chemistry than all that. You'd never ask someone you met out and about any of that!

Teena

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

This is so true about the photos! I have current photos up and continue to get hit by men without any photos... Yeah, I'll get right back to them...NOT!

Laura N

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

Touche, Carolyn. The number of male profiles with no pictures or no profile essay astounds me. That tells me the guy is lazy...and not really interested in finding someone. <smh> I know women aren't as visual as men, but want to know if I might possibly find the guy physically attractive. And, for me, the essays are very important. I can judge how educated he is, if he notices details (typos and misspellings) and if he has a sense of humor.

Melissa

Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

Do you ever even talk to a guy without a pic? DON'T! They are married, 99.9% of the time. The other 1% is hideous. Don't waste your energy. Remember, you want a man, not a pen pal.

Caroline

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

..and one more funny thing! Very few of the fellas online who described themselves as athletic and toned were. But I think women are more forgiving of those things if its not too over the top and he's pretty average. I'd rather describe myself as average and put up recent photos. Then hopefully, have him be pleasantly surprised when he meets you in person. :) but I will admit I had men doubt me because I described myself as average and it seems that online that can refer to as being a bit plump

Melissa

Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

True. "Average" and "Curvy" = fat in online speak. At least for women. Men can get away with being Average. I agree too...most men call themselves athletic and toned when they then go on to say that they hit the gym 1-2 times a week and every pic shows them holding a beer in Tigers Stadium. At least that's here in Michigan. Man, I am all over this blog today ;-)

Laura N

Monday, February 3rd, 2014

I describe myself as "curvy" and do have a couple of full body shots on my profile, so they know I'm not hiding anything. So, I hope he is pleasantly surprised when we meet. They must be, because I have only had a couple of guys "ghost" on me after the date. Most of them seem to ask for a return engagement. I also tried very hard to make my profile a reflection of who I am....which is nearly as important as having realistic and recent pictures. But, yeah, I think the guys will mainly lie about their height (usually a couple of inches) and income. So if I see a guy is 6 feet tall, I just assume he's actually a tad shorter than that. Not that I really care, because I'm on the short side of average so it doesn't take much to be taller than I.

Melissa

Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

Oh this is soooo true. Men only worry that you will turn up fat. That's literally the only concern.

Melissa

Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

whoops....wasn't finished. My biggest concern is that the men turn up still married. That's happened to me 9 times. Either actually still (like, the wife is at home) or not through with the divorce. Of course, separated men want to get laid, but a mid-divorce man is probably the worst creature on earth to be around. No thanks. And then there are the crazies. The ones who clearly hate women now because of their bitter divorces, the ones who want custody of the kids but cannot manage life at all because of it, the ones who are addicted to porn, want to send cock pics, the medicated and suicidal, the flat broke. Over the last 3 years, I've gone on between 40-50 first dates from online. On my end, I never disappoint....I don't show up fat, I look like my pics (better, according to reports) and I think I've done a decent job being open in my profile....you get what you get. These guys? HOT MESSES. Kills me that men just get to worry about fat chicks when they come to the table with nothing to offer but a flaming sack of bitter balls.

Laura N

Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

Flaming sack of bitter balls! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I've dated a guys like that! In fact, a guy I really liked was still hung up on his past "failures" and so terribly unhappy with his life and circumstances it worried me. When he dumped me (because he was still hung up on an ex and scared he was starting to fall for me) I was relieved. I could see the decent man he was under the bitterness, but I didn't want a fixer-upper. Been there, done that. NOT doing it again. It's all I can do to keep my poop grouped, much less help someone else get their shit together...

Melissa

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014

Yes, it's crazy how all the shit just piles up. Good thing I drink enough to not remember my past failures ;-P I'm curious to know how many women have been bored to death by a man before even meeting him. Just happened to me this week. Super cute firefighter, texted a bit, called me...and YAWN. No need to meet. I wonder why personalities are so hard to come by?

Melissa

Tuesday, February 4th, 2014

oh, btw, check me out if you want....my profile gets a lot of compliments and I've had a few friends ask me to write theirs....maybe this is helpful? I'm MegaRadSupreme on Match.com (yes, I am funny with my screen name, I know, I kind of like being goofy)

Mary

Friday, February 7th, 2014

Thanks for a peek into your profile Melissa, I found it very helpful. You're stunning too! : )

Caroline

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014

I understand what you're saying Melissa! I know David wrote a blog on his men's site about being boring. So many men just don't seem to be in the same place so to speak. It's like they haven't evolved any since they were 25. Unfortunately, my only experience with the few who have were quite arrogant. Or at least that's how they came off. They talked so much, it was a freaking monologue!

Caroline

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014

I apologize to make generalizations. It seems that when one dates online there is undue pressure during that first meeting to impress. Hence, I think men and women end up showing their extreme sides if their personality. Be it shyness or overt talking. I'm sure many a woman has talked off a man's head and over shared during that first meet!

Laura N

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014

I have been on enough first dates with guys I have met on Match or OK Cupid to know just how much pressure there is on a first date to make a good impression...and it's not just the women who over share. I remember this one guy who, within the first 30 minutes had told me how he had caught his wife cheating on him and that his kids were going to love me. (Plus he had wolfed down most of his meal as well.) And when he emailed me (he never got my phone number) not fifteen seconds after I got in the car (not even out of the parking lot!) that he had had a great time and was looking forward to seeing me again, I thought to myself, "OH, HELL NO!" That was when I realized I had been over sharing on dates myself...and I started to relax and just be myself. For the most part, I am going out on more second dates these days since I learned I needed to hold back a little and just "be." I still flirt and charm and hold up my end of the conversation...but a lot of men still tell me all about their failed relationship/divorce/kids on the first date...which I really don't need to know at that point in time. I try to steer the conversation to less personal topics, but the guys always seem to go there....

Caroline

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014

Exactly! That is why I think I found it more personally, at least for me, better to meet new people out and about. I've made it standard practice to push myself to talk to people whatever I'm doing. I found it easier to chat up women at first. I moved onto men later and it's so funny how they they're you're hitting on them! I go about it with no care for the outcome. Hilarious! I asked a man at the deli the other day if how that particular salad was he was purchasing and he quickly mentioned his live in girl friend! I quickly tried to cover my hairy warts-haha

Laura N

Wednesday, February 5th, 2014

I agree, Caroline. I find it easier to strike up conversations when I'm out and about with women. The men do think you are hitting on them...even though I have yet to meet one who told me about his wife or g/f. In fact, the other night I was picking up a take out order and noticed a couple of guys checking me out. I was DEFINITELY looking grungy and not in the mood to flirt (long day at work). I decided to take David's advice to smile and say hello. They scurried off like scared mice...gotta admit...I laughed once I got out of the restaurant. What a couple of wusses...

Julie

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

I met a guy at a restaurant the other day. I was out to luncat with my dec and daughter. This guy walked in while I was getting some food by myself. I gave him a megawatt smile and he asked me if we seat ourselves. He followed me to my table and smiled regretfully when he saw I sat down with ex and daughter. Ex left, daughter and I went to leave. I left a note staying "he's my ex-husband." with phone number and name. We are going on second date next week.

Laura N

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

Good for you, Julie! That's the way to do it!

Cheryl

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

Julie -- that is brilliant!!!!

Melissa

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

Agreed that men automatically think you are hitting on them but are also terrified! I seriously don't know what to do about it, these pantywaists....

TJ

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

This sounds about right. I'm not skinny and not trying to hide it. I'm also not into settling for losers who see me as "low hanging fruit." Since I actually am fat and I use a real, recent picture of me in my dating profiles online dating is almost certainly going to continue to be a waste of time for me. Good to know!

Emma

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

David- yes it's true we women are concerned about our safety. But my #1 fear with online dating is - I'll continue to have the same frustration with online dating in years to come and forever have to search through mens' profiles, send winks, emails, phone conversations but get LITTLE in return! I've been online dating since being in the prime of my twenties. I'm now 31 soon 32 and have very little of anything substantial to show for online dating except a bunch of wasted time, emails flirts and text messages that didn't amount to anything, sometimes ok 1st or 2nd dates, and rarely a real relationship. I'm envious of those who go online and a week later meet their soul mates. It seems the men online have ADD and probably are saturated with the choices of women out there. You could have a really great chat or email exchange then poof, man disappears.. it would be nice if most of my online dating encounters led to phone conversations or dates, but I feel like I'm always online exchanging superficial chats and I am getting so sick and tired of wasting all this time online and getting nothing in return!!!... how as a woman do you grab the attention of the guys you're after so they stick around for the chase?? And actually date and pursue you and want a relationship ??

Laura N

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

Emma, my basic rule of thumb when I first start talking to someone online is to move it to the real world within two weeks of that first message exchange. It's a waste of time to continually email/text/talk on the phone for weeks on end. If it happens to be a long distance guy (I have a 3 hour drive time limit), I'll cut a little slack on the two weeks, but you should start making plans to actually meet within that two week window. If the guy will not make plans to see you within a couple of weeks, move on. He's not interested in taking it to the real world. TJ...I am overweight as well...but I don't have a real problem meeting men online. Believe me, there are plenty of men who like us "curvy" girls.... and they aren't losers. It's all about liking who you are...inside and outside. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to look your best and get into better shape if that's what you want. But just know that there a man out there who will think you are the most gorgeous, bewitching woman he has ever met... no matter what your body type.

TJ

Friday, February 7th, 2014

Thanks Laura N! I appreciate the kind words. I'm not sure why my experience has been so lackluster but don't think that I'm sending signals that I'm unhappy with myself. For example, I don't do the self-deprecation, apologies, or preemptive telling-offs about my weight. No begging or pleading for someone to talk to me "in spite of" whatever. I just present myself as I am. Still the results have been underwhelming. I just hope that one day my experience will be as productive as yours because right now I'm about to shut down my dating profiles and join a nunnery. LOL

Laura N

Friday, February 7th, 2014

TJ, online dating is a numbers game. You have to go out with A LOT a guys to find the right one. One person told me to think of it like this "You have go one a hundred first dates to find the one you want to see exclusively.= But just remember that just because you didn't hit it off doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. You all just weren't right for each other." I've been online dating for more than a year; I've maybe met two guys I have actually dated more than twice...and only one I dated for three months before he got scared and ran the other direction (I mentioned him earlier in this thread). Just hang in there...you'll find one of your ones! :)

Caroline

Friday, February 7th, 2014

TJ...don't despair. Like Laura says, it's a numbers game. Make sure this isn't your only way of meeting new men. Be open to all avenues and you'll be able to look at it as just a vehicle. I am wondering if you are having "lackluster" results with little activity on your profile or with actual dates? You can have a great profile with super pics and then only have first dates too. Of course, if your profile is lacking you may be getting "bottom of the barrel" guys. Even if you think your profile is good, have a friend (a guy friend or sister with your true interest at heart can be more unbiased and will give true opinions without fear of hurting your feelings) look at it. Find a zip code of a large neighboring city and plug it in and search women's profiles to get a firm idea of what works and what doesn't. Have more than one photo! Even if they're cheesy selfies...do it. Better yet, get that friend to take some. Include a full body (make it sitting down and curve your body in a 's' shape...you'll feel better sitting down than posing standing up and they will get a gauge on your body type). Have about three to six photos. After that it seems a bit much. Having just one photo is a big mistake (they will write you off in fear of what you may truly look like in their little pea brains!!). There's so many key elements to a good profile..I'd suggest revamping your photos, your screen name and tag line first and see what the results are. My screen name is Shinyhappywoman and my tag line is "meet me in the crowd". That's for all the old guys who hopefully still remember a little REM. But I thought it worked in describing me (happy) and to meet me in this big crowd of online dating! Good luck

Caroline

Friday, February 7th, 2014

Oh and update often...it will keep your profile at the top of the results when men are searching. I just change who I'm listening to that week (I work alone all day so my ipod is crucial) or my newest read. :)

Laura N

Friday, February 7th, 2014

Caroline is right about updating your profile often. I know I change stuff on my OK Cupid profile (usually my "What I Think About" question and "Message Me If" question. I usually go for something funny or unusual that showcases my sense of humor. I also try to rotate in new pictures frequently. I always take a "selfie" before a first date...because I know I look really good...or right after I see my hair stylist...again...because I know I look my best and that confidence shows when I take the selfie...

Cheryl H

Friday, February 7th, 2014

Such great feedback and helpful information on here!!! I'm sure David sees all of this and can use to help us women with online dating. I have my online dating process as well that has taken months to perfect. Together we could create a "how to" page, I'm sure. :) Blessings on your searches!!! May we all find committed love in 2014! :)

Are You Terrified Of Online Dating?

About David

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