doggy“Little Dog Syndrome.”

Is it something you suffer from?  It’s something I see all over the place, and it’s becoming a big issue. A while back I went for a date with this woman. She came to pick me up, and as I got in the car I spotted she had this tiny dog sitting on her lap. The thing is sitting there licking it’s lips at me and I’m thinking, “We’re going out to eat. Surely that rat isn’t coming into the restaurant with us!”

So we start driving along. I’m chatting away trying to get to know her, and every now and then she stops mid-conversation to tell the dog she loves it more than anything!

Was it cute?

Not at all. To be honest I thought I was going to throw up on the spot. I became as unaroused as possible. I could almost hear my penis shouting up to me, “Hey David. Please don’t make me sleep with weird doggie Momma!”

So did the dog end up joining us for the meal?

Thankfully no, but she did have to tell it she loved it another 15 odd times before she shut the car door. Then she told it again another 15 times when we got back to the car. It was nuts. I wouldn’t have seen her again if you paid me. I love dogs. I seriously do, but they’re not a substitute for things missing in your life.

There are no studies on this so I don’t have proof, but I honestly believe a lot of these women with dogs in their purse secretly wish it was a child.

You must have seen it yourself. How many times do you see women with these little dogs all dressed up in booties, coats, designer boots? It’s crazy. To me they haven’t met the right man yet so they settle for a dog instead. I even met a woman who wanted to take her dog on vacation. I couldn’t believe it. I was imagining us sitting in a lovely hotel in Hawaii with a little dog peeing all over the lobby. How romantic!

Dogs aren’t substitutes for men, and they’re not substitutes for children. Now before you start attacking me and saying I’m being cruel, I understand people get lonely. If you’re on your own a little animal like a cat or dog can make things feel better, but people get carried away. When you finally meet a man, you have to lay off the dog love. Lots of guys don’t even like dogs. They certainly don’t want to compete with one for your affection.

Dogs can stay at home!

When you go on a date, leave the mutt at home. It won’t mind if it doesn’t go to the theatre one time, or to that fancy new restaurant. And for heaven’s sake, they don’t need designer clothes!

Last word on this matter…

When you’re in bed with a guy, leave the dog out the room. Dogs do not belong in Momma’s bed. And no man wants to wake up with a smelly dog butt in his face!