I want to share something really funny with you. My girlfriend and I will sometimes go together to get a massage. When we go, I get a female masseuse and she gets a male masseuse. There are certain things that seem to happen every time we go.

She gets taken in before me, and I get taken in after her. My massage always gets finished before hers. We go to the same place and get the same massage, but I get about an hour and five minute long massage while she gets a full 90 minute treatment.

Do you see a theme here? The theme is that when men get their hands on a beautiful woman, they will take as long as they possibly can with her because deep down they really enjoy touching her.

Whether they are in a relationship or are single, deep down they enjoy having the freedom to massage and touch another woman. So they will take the extra few minutes on a 60 minute massage. A woman will get an extra five or six minutes.

This isn’t the first time this has happened either. I dated someone with whom I went to get massages with and the same thing happened. The male masseuse would always give her the extra five or ten minutes, because deep down men are perverts who enjoy touching new women. Men also enjoy the freedom to use their profession to take that extra five minutes.

Now don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying anything funky or bad happens — no one is touching the women in any sexual way. When it comes down to it, though, we are all little boys and we always like the chance to cop a feel.

So these guys are just copping a little extra feel. It might be touching her back or her neck. It doesn’t matter where, I just believe that when a man gets a beautiful woman in front of him he will always take those few extra minutes.

Don’t you think there should be some equality in massages? Is there a number we can call or some board we can address to try to lobby for equality in massages, because I want my extra five minutes! I’ve got a rockin’ bod so, really, a female masseuse should want to cop an extra feel or spend an extra few minutes on me just because I’m hot.  Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way. 

So women, the next time you bitch and complain about the way guys look at you or the way men are always approaching you, just realize when you’re getting those extra five minutes here and there from men because they are enjoying the beauty of who you are.