I think I have lost my mind. I am ranting and raving about women in today’s podcast.
It’s practically the total opposite of what I preach. I think I may need to be committed. I have no idea what has happened to me. I may need your help.
Listen and tell me what you think. Oh, and to the women of the blog, please lend me your ears and give me your opinion before I book that long cruise to nowhere…
1.7 million men & women come to me every month to find the secrets to success. And after 20 years of coaching, I’ve discovered the golden keys to success in dating, business, health and wellness, and life.
I’ve helped millions of men and women around the globe achieve success in their dating, social and personal lives. I’m also a father to the world’s cutest little girl, and I am an unapologetic man. Some say I’m nuts, others say I’ve changed their life forever. One thing’s for certain: I’ll always give you the truth, whether you can handle it or not. I never sugar coat anything.
Nice is so overrated. I’d prefer brutally honest breakthrough to a “nice” rut any damn day of the week. If you’re the same way, then you've come to the right place.
I like the statement about how this stuff doesn't just help with dating. Deciding to grow a pair is doing wonders for every aspect of my life. People are looking for a leader, and I decided to be that leader. It just took a decision to stop being so scared of rubbing someone the wrong way that I never put myself out there. I don't intentionally step on people's toes, but I'm no longer paralyzed by the fear of someone not liking me. Ironically, not being desperate for people to like you makes people like you more.
I understand your frustration with women too. Not putting up with all their crazy woman shit is exhausting.
Well said, Colin. When you respect yourself, people respect you more. Even those who don't like you will deep down respect that you stand for something. Churchill said something along the lines of: If you have enemies, good, it means you stood for something.
Today I played a show and took some risks. It wasn't exactly what I'd have hoped. I'm focusing on the postives and will learn from the areas I need to improve. Already, I am respecting myself in not dwelling on my faults.
Sometimes I feel women just want to work men up just for the heck of it! ;)
They seem to always need attention. When you withdraw a bit to take care of yourself they may feel you don't care.
Probably they just are not as logical as we are. They interpret their feelings as the moment as the truth to everything. And sometimes those feelings can change many times a minute!
Collin-
That's what we are about guiding you to live an attractive lifestyle. You noticed people react differently to you now because you are taking action to be the leader in your own life. Now you're experiencing the true freedom and not care about anyone liking you.
Thanks for sharing, and keep up the awesome work!
Collin- how are you different from your past self now? What are some biggest lessons you have learned? I am just curious after reading your comment. It seems like you are making some great progress.
Greg- Since you mentioned about Churchill, I wanted to share this funny exchange between Churchill and Nancy:) In history Churchill is one of my favorite guy, strong character!
“Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”
But in about todays blog, I think we all need a day off to just rant and rave about women. When women want to rant and rave who do they go to, from my experience its their girlfriend. I'm glad I have you guys on the blog to let my emotions out:)
David- This is what really attracted me to your products is that you are REA! There are so many pua/dating gurus that just not real and what worse is that they try to teach other people be real, and that's real sad news.
David- I'm selfish sometimes, i might have forgotten to say this, but hey thanks so much for the Wednesday podcast, I feel better than ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Max - I was the ultimate passive guy. I liked to call myself a "nice guy" but I was really just a wuss. On the rare occasion that I took the initiative, it was always "Hey, if you want to, I was thinking we could possibly go see this movie sometime when it's most convenient to you. But not if you don't want to!" I could never figure out why I never made many friends or attracted girls. I was the perfect boyfriend on paper. I mean, I was funny, played sports, worked hard, played a couple instruments, wrote my own songs, could cook quite well, could ballroom dance, dressed well, and went to a nationally renowned university. From what I could see, I was the whole package. But what I didn't have was any confidence. I managed to find a short term girlfriend here and there, but it never lasted. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out how to be attractive to women.
About a month ago I discovered David's youtube videos and things started to change. I didn't really have much self confidence, but "fake it til you make it" right? I started trying things out, and was amazed at how successful I was. I started to just go for it. If I wanted a girl's number, I just handed her my phone. If I wanted to do something one night, I thought of something to do and invited people to come with me. When a group was debating where to eat lunch, I'd just say, "Let's go to (wherever)." Like I said in my first comment, people are looking for a leader and respect anyone who steps up. I just decided to step up. I've had a lot more guys calling me and inviting me to do stuff since I started doing that, so I can only assume it works for making friends. I also stopped hunting for a girlfriend every time I was out. My goal now is just to have fun, joke around, maybe make an impression, and move on. If they like me, fine. If not, I'm still having fun.
I've gotten some great dates with girls, one amazing date with an amazing girl, and plenty of phone numbers. I'm not perfect, and I still have approach anxiety about some situations, but I've gotten a lot better, and I'm fine with that. The student can't expect to become the master in 5 weeks. Skills like this take time, so I'm happy with the improvements I've made. I'm even getting to the point where I don't have to think about it as much because it's just coming naturally. The next step is a boot camp, but that's just not in the cards until I can find a job.
wow that's a big shift Collin.
I like the part what you mentioned about i quote from your comment"I just decided to step up. I’ve had a lot more guys calling me and inviting me to do stuff since I started doing that, so I can only assume it works for making friends. I also stopped hunting for a girlfriend every time I was out. My goal now is just to have fun, joke around, maybe make an impression, and move on. If they like me, fine. If not, I’m still having fun."
Thats the next step for me, i am not steeping it up, i am more of the guy that just follows on.
Max - You can do it. And if you don't feel like you can, you gotta do it anyways. Imagine you're walking into the situation carrying your balls in a wheelbarrow. A good starting point if you're nervous is to make eye contact with everyone you can, and then refuse to break it first and smile at them. You'll be surprised how many women smile back. If she maintains that eye contact and smiles way longer than is comfortable you damn well better go talk to her because that's like a billboard begging you to start a conversation with her.
David:
Very interesting pic and podcast today:)
Don't go so crazy if you need some coaching call me i have some special for you but you know its too bad can't offer you the special anymore since you are taken:)
Let my add my favourite rant subject about women in western culture.
It is about our culture of freedom=choice.
They don't have it easy. A women used to worry about the household, the kids, pots and pans, the husband, but it pretty much ended there. Nowdays women have a lot more freedom, and I wouldn't at all want to take it away. But let's take a look at the effects.
The women we meet, are SO torn. They are SO confused, and they don't know what the **** they want even if it kicked them in the but.
Basically, they have to be a career women, and a housewife. A mother, and an object of desire. Women of our day want it all. The passionate loving relationship with a seductive man, and the calm houselife with a nice guy. The expectations are just so high, and the duty to be happy, fulfilled, the duty to enjoy is so strong, that it becomes impossible to enjoy the things in a relationship that made them worthwile for our grandparents.
You can be happy with a women for some time, but it takes a pretty damned smart and gutsy women not to let her head be spoilt by what is all in the women magazines. We are all so big on chasing the big western ideal of love, that we just as them, fail at enjoying the things that really count.
The most unsexy thing there is, is a women with a women's magazine in her hands. It is screaming disaster to me. No matter what, if you keep reading this trash, some of it will sink in, like a filthy infestation that will blossom with a horrid stink one day.
This kind of women is the quintessential 'sex in the city' type, the Ally Mcbeal. This woman is glorified in modern culture, yet she is deeply lost, and lonely, no matter how much top-noth ass she gets. She is still lost because she doesn't know what she wants and keeps chasing other people's dreams.
Women are just lost today, chasing this ideal lover and ideal happiness, with their magazines in hand as a compass. They have totally lost track of what counts in life.
Before, people had almost no choice, and pleasure was forbidden, and that made it all the better. Like sex in a place where you can be discovered you know. It just makes it so much hotter. Nowadays, there is abundance of choice (try choosing shampoo from 100 brands, its impossible :)). But with that abundance of choice comes the reversal of the relation with pleasure. Today we choose, but we HAVE TO enjoy. Before women were almost not allowed to have joy in sex. Now it's a failure if she doesn't come more than 5 times, and doesn't scream so loud that the neigbours call the cops on you.
Somewhere in between then, we are all trying to find our way and trying to build relationships. But those oh-so normal lulls in a relationship, are seen as end points all too often. And then you get the women with three kids from three different guys, still chasing the night, still desperately trying to be an 18yr old hottie at 45.
It is very sad for men, and for them, because they can't see that what they are looking for is an ideal, force fed to them trough the consumer culture, that is an impossible fantasy.
I think we should all try and set the most modest of goals for our lovers. Having a compagnion that walks with you on the road of life, is a very beautiful thing in itself. Let's forget about the multiple orgasms, and snuggle on the couch!
Oh ps, David, I have studied a lot about psycho-analysis at university, and it tought me many interesting insights into the relationships between men and women. One of the most interesting things for me in your material, is the meeting of these more theoretical descriptive ideas about love, desire etc., with your actionable advice.
I think I could come up with some surprising and perhaps enlightening questions in an interview as you discussed in the podcast. I hereby volunteer.
:) Funny I found out abot David from youtube too. Collin after reading your first post I've notived that we're kinda at the same level.Don't get me wrong, it actually feels good that I have someone to relate to. I really have to go so I won't have time to live a big commnets...just this ideea.
David you hit that thing with the guy in the plane spot-on. I mean that is "me". Being in highschool(last year...I know here it differs from the US) ...whenever I see a town celebrity guy/girl around my age, or even not a celebrety, someone who I've seen is popular or even look way better than most girls, I'm intimidated.I think that they're super-humans and won't even look at a guy like me. This year one of those people moved in my class....She was a horible person and not the "superior" one I imagined. But, despite this, when I see that category of people(popular/way better looking than the average) I think they're better.I know they're not, but while I tell myself that they're normal, I waste that time, the key time to go out there.
Sounds familiar with any of you guys? Help would be apreciated...
Mike
Coach Jacob:
Yeah, history is great!
I like Colin's comments about being a leader. I like Mats comments about women being torn. Everyone has made some great points.
Sometimes getting that "back rub" back from what we've given away just doesn't happen. And that's the real world. I've learned that saying "Thank you" is fast becoming a lost art. It's sad too, but as David has said in the past, if you expect to get something back, even a simple "Thank you" you're probably going to be disappointed.
People,(particularly women) have time to chatter away nonstop at a million words per minute on the phone(for hours & hours & hours) or text their friends a hundred times a day, much of the time at clubs, bars, soccer games, everywhere, they spend countless hours posting pics of themselves & status updating & chatting on Facebook, tweeting on Twitter, shopping for clothes & then texting & tweeting about that too from the mall, lunch with friends & texting/tweeting from there, studying for tests in school(and tweeting about that too from class)going to see Twilight & New Moon for the 80th time and texting/tweeting from the theater, or working out @ the gym and texting/tweeting from the treadmill, playing tennis or playing with their game console, but gosh darn it, they just don't have time to spend 1 minute e-mailing or texting a simple thank you for anything you did.
And you're not expecting the Nobel Prize, and maybe not even sex, but you would be pleased & appreciative if they took one(that's 1 followed by nothing else)minute to say thanks by phone, text or e-mail. But they don't, because no one understands the concept of saying "Thank you" or the meaning of being thankful or appreciative. They're too busy doing everything else in the paragraph above.
As Tony points out, technology aimed to help us connect & communicate comes at a price: our social skills.
I maintain that we shouldn't act with expectations. If we are dissapointed in certain situations we can learn from them and act accordingly in the future.
Right now I'm reading 'The Artists Way' It advocates something simple we can all do: Write daily entries about our thoughts/feelings/desires. I'm starting this...it is amazing how you grow and what comes out!
wow so many amazing comments from everyone i just finished reading them all and they are wonderful and so helpful.
Colin- i admire you so much thank you for sharing your experience. Sounds like you have an amazing turning point in your life. I am too at the moment trying to change myself to becoming s a better, confident, positive, and happier person. I want to become that type of guy where a lot of people can feel positive and comfortable while their in my presence. I wanna be the type where when they see me in the crowd they will start to feel this sign of relief and excitement where they know its gonna be okay when I'm there. But for now I'm not there yet. I'm 17 and and have been watching Davids videos, reading his blogs and listening to his podcasts for a few months now. And they have changed me. Although there are still so many things i need to work on like learning to accept myself, learning how to love myself and hopefully i will get there.
I'm just a kid i know but I'm a kid with high dreams :D
Why live a past that you are no longer apart of. The people that you were once in a relationship with are possibly gone and with someone else. A person needs to have space and look inside themselves and see where they are heading in their lives and what kind of person they want to be with. Not everyone is alike and it is not friendship/marriage that makes the relationship. It is what two people make of it good or bad.
There are times when I have had it with men but I look back on it and say I refuse to live a past I am no longer apart of and think about a future that may be coming my way. I DO NOT want to bring what happened into another relationship for the previous one is dead and gone.
Hello to some old friends!
Been a long time since I posted here. Hi Horny Lisa!
I just wanted to give you an update in my life and say how David contributed to it! I was in an unhappy marriage for quite some time, I was after other women (especially in my business trips) and I had an affair with a hot Asian lady. Got too hot and heavy, I almost ended my marriage but, at the last moment, I just could not do it. Anyway, to make the long story short, I confessed and told my wife that I would understand if she wants to end it. And then I proceeded to tell her Everything in my mind, I mean everything!! Deep down I always loved her and she has agreed to slowly start getting into doing things together to spice up our sex life (yes, that means we are venturing slowly into swinging!)...and our sex life in 2010 has been amazing...actually I am tired because she attacks me all the time! I finally managed to bring out her inner slut...Even though she has put on some pounds, just the change in her attitude and willingness to try new things to keep us together....has made her so sexy, hard to describe! It's like we are back in love after many years! We just set up a meeting with a personal trainer to start working us out together...He will ask us what our goals are and we will respond "get us in the condition we can fuck for hours non-stop":-)
How it started was I accumulated a lot of reading material about what I wanted her to learn and gave it to her one day as I was leaving for another business trip and told her to read them with an open mind and we need to have THE talk after my return...It worked..it was painful but cathartic. As David said, we need to be true to ourselves and to the ones we love and keep working on the relationship...we had both kind of given up somewhere along the job stress and our super active kids.
We are now looking for other couples to play with and some select men to play with her...We are taking it slowly and we are both excited to start on a new adventure in our lives, keep growing and enjoying ourselves.
thanks for reading.
Dan
David V, my biggest suggestion is to just do what you like doing. Life was meant to be enjoyed, and if you're having fun, people are going to want to have fun with you. They also like being around people who make them laugh. Be that guy, and I guarantee you that you'll have the life you want. Don't get discouraged if you can't change overnight either. It's like learning an instrument or a baby learning to walk. You have to commit to practice but be okay with it taking time.
This is an awesome broadcast. I have noticed that women tend to drop everything once she finds a boyfriend and she wants constant attention from her boyfriend.
awww I am gone for a while and we have your formerly horny howe, horny lisa, Sandra and yours truly Dantheoriginal all in one blog. Fun read today, but I quite dont see the rant David. It's easy just read our minds as we have to do yours, which you guys take for granted :-)
Dan,
Congratulations on you being honest with yourself in the past few months and really opening up to your wife.
I really wish you the best for you and your wife. I know it's tough but I think it will be a strong rekindling exercise for you and your wife. From the respect you develop from each other through this experience, you will find love again
It is nice to be back on the blog though. Interesting topics but why does people seem to have to be in rewind mode. Can they just push fast forward and move on what is past is past no way can a person go back and change it.
@ Sandra
While your ideas and efforts about letting past things be past are commendable... You sound to me as if you are almost desperately trying to convince yourself.
While we should not intentionally bring past hurts into a new relationship, acting as if you can avoid this alltogether, is in my knowledge of psychology, a sure fire way to find it coming back at you and have it explode in your face.
In your very first relationship, you have brought a LOT of baggage with you; the relationship to your parents, which are an important shaping factor for all your other relationships.
Instead acting like things never happened, I propose an internal dialogue with your past. Giving it a place, and when old feelings or other aspects crop up, give them some time, work with it, and then let it calm down inside you again.
Most people around my age (29) have already had a serious relationship, and have gotten hurt in the process too. All too often people paint this rediculous picture of 'being over it'. But then when they are really drunk or weak, it blurts out that they still have huge problems and pain with it.
Wear your scars with pride I say. They make you more beautiful then. But stay away from the camouflage stick!
I think if you go into a new relationship, you have to bring along all your luggage. You don't have to unpack it and clutter your new boyfriend's room with it, but you can't act as if it is not there.
Colin- alright thanks man for the advice i will do what i enjoy :D. To be honest there's not much to do around here so its kinda hard for me to find what i love doing but don't worry i got a few ideas and hopefully figure more of it out later on in the future :). And by the way about "not expecting change overnight" i totally agree with you, quality takes time but i will do whatever i can to get there. I'm kinda glad in a way that it doesn't come just like that because of the journey the process of getting there. Its like testing your determination, will and commitment which is good because it can even make those quality of yours even stronger if you just pull through :D
Coach Jacob:
2009 has been quite a year, parent death and 2 client deaths in December alone! So glad to see it go away. Felt so good to let it all hang out with my wife, no more secret deceiving behind her back, not fair to anyone, so the old fire has sure been rekindled to the degree I am so tired from all the sex in 2010 that I need to find a man to help me satisfy her even more:-) hehe Just kidding...well, not really
Good to be back here and see old friends....maybe one day we can have a reunion in David's new palace;-)
Um... what kind of response were you hoping from your female readers? Don't really know how to answer the initial 'women really suck!' part of the podcast. Guess it's good to know you're a real person - who gets pissy and makes crazy generalizations, just like the rest of us. ;)
hi david.. please help me out here i realy dont know how to start
i was in a level that i have zero skill with social intractions!! when i started! i was listening to all of these good stuff i began to think and go out it was very basic in the bigining then i my listening got beter and things goes backword and for word!! some times i loose it for few month and comes back to me ( i am a good looking person but still i am single and i found the reason for it but it is some thing internal cant change it dont know what to do ( when the persure is coming to me or when some one put me down or when i strugling with inscurity in side ) i could make any girl attracted to me but then they become angry to me and i make the situation worth so then i feel bad about it for 6 month (( this is my problem ( it just happen very quickly when i make a mistack or when i say some thing or doing i shouldnt do)
Ary,
Have you considered coaching? There's a lot of things that could be wrong but just from your comment alone, even I wouldn't know where to start.
Your situation would require that you talk more in depth about your situation.
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