It’s really funny. Turn down service is great, right? I mean, they come in and turn down your bed for you.

They tuck in the bed so tightly, though, that you feel like you’re going to bed inside an envelope. Who tucks the bed that tightly? You can’t move and you feel like you’re about to be suffocated in there.

It also seems like every turn down service is topped off with that same bad piece of chocolate on the pillow. Now that’s what you want before you go to bed. You’ve just brushed your teeth and here is a piece of chocolate on your pillow to rot your teeth and give you bad breath.

Mind you, if you were able to brush your teeth it is because you brought one with you. Hotels never give you a toothbrush or toothpaste. The “hotel essentials” they give you never include either one of those things.

They give you hand lotion. We all know what that is for and who uses it. It’s for the lonely businessmen on business trips.

They also give you some watered-down conditioner, some bad smelling shampoo and bars of soap (several of them). They don’t, however, give you the most important things: toothbrush and toothpaste.

Why not give people a toothbrush and a little tube of toothpaste? Is it that much more than one of those bars of soap?

Also, if you think about it, most people who are traveling together to hotels want to have nice breath. I mean, a lot of people come to a hotel to do the nasty. So you would think they would want to be able to freshen up and brush their teeth before they go to bed.

There are some really nice things about the idea of turn down service. In fact, I’d like to have turn down service at my house.

It would be really nice. Someone comes and knocks at your door at around 10:00 p.m. They come in, turn down your bed and dim the lights for you. All of that sounds wonderful, but none of it will work if you have bad breath.

So I think that all hotels should really start giving people toothpaste with their turn down service. You really need it after you eat the bad-tasting chocolate they leave on your pillow. Otherwise, what are you going to do together? Give each other a massage with the watered-down hand lotion? Something needs to change.