Men tend to be very outcome dependent. Many men approach women with one goal in mind: to get their phone number. Such men think if they approach a woman, they must get her phone number in order for that approach to have been successful. These men, in fact, will base their entire assessment of an encounter on whether a woman gives them her phone number. This type of mindset is what I’m referring to when I talk about outcome dependence.

As a man, the problem with having outcome dependence is that women are not wired to be outcome dependent like men tend to be. Women are about being connected emotionally. Men need to understand this, and learn to start judging their encounters with women by how well they were able to connect with each woman (rather than by whether they walked away with a phone number).

It’s time to declare your outcome independence! Here are ways to lose your outcome dependence and attract more women by connecting with them:

1. Stop Being A Predator: You can’t possibly meet every woman you see. Virtually every guy I’ve ever coached have asked me how they can meet women who are walking toward them on the street. Think about this though. You’re walking down the street. You see a woman you find attractive who is also walking down the street. You’re both in a hurry. You all of a sudden become very outcome dependent – you want to meet her right now and get her phone number right now. Let me try to put it into perspective: When you’re in a rush walking down the street, do you like to be bothered? You can’t bother every single woman as she walks down the street by stopping her to ask her for her phone number. You need to realize that you can’t have every single woman you see simply because you find them attractive, because women will not be attracted to you unless you know how to also connect with them. So stop being a predator who chases women, and start attracting them by engaging them in conversations.

2. Good Mechanics Don’t Ensure Success: Just because you walked over to a woman and opened her with some amazing words of wisdom does not mean that she will want to go out with you. When you speak with a woman you need to listen very carefully to what she has to say, because it takes more than a clever opener to really get a woman to be interested in you. You need to pay really close attention to everything a woman says so you can initiate conversation topics about what’s already in her mind. You need to be able to not only engage her in conversation, but also to be able to take the conversation deeper. So just because you arrived on the scene and delivered a perfect opener does not mean that you’re going to get the phone number. It takes a lot more than just showing up in life to get that phone number from a woman.

3. Stay In The Moment: One of the most important things to do to stop being outcome dependent is to make a significant mindset shift. What this means is that when you are talking to a woman, you need to stop focusing on getting women’s phone numbers and start focusing more on staying present in the moment. A lot of men will ask a woman for her phone number and to go out on a date with him mere seconds after they approach and start talking to her. That is the very embodiment of being outcome dependent. Remember once again that in order to get a woman’s phone number you must first connect with her emotionally and in a way that will make her want to give you her phone number. One thing you’ll need to do to connect with women is to be willing to share something about yourself.

Think about this from a woman’s perspective. You’re a complete stranger who has approached her and asked her out … all in fifteen seconds or less. She will first wonder why you are asking her out, but since you know nothing else about her she will assume that you are only asking her out because you are physically attracted to her. Plus since she knows nothing about you, she is unlikely to agree to give you her phone number. So if you want to connect with women when you meet them, you are going to have to spend some time being in the moment with them. Putting in this time also allows both of you to see if you even like each other. Plus, if you’ve been in the moment and connected with a woman when you meet her, if she does give you her phone number she will be excited to get your call (instead of feeling about you like she does about most telemarketers).

4. There Is No Call Back Guarantee: Just because you were able to get a woman’s phone number does not mean that she will call you back after you’ve called her. It is a simple fact of life that there are some women who will give out their phone number just because a man asks for it and regardless of whether she actually is interested in having him call her. There are other women who may genuinely be interested in you when they give you their phone number, but may decide later (due to changing their mind or meeting someone else) that they are not so interested in talking to you, and thus may not return your call when you call them. So to increase your odds of getting a call back, make sure you connect with a woman emotionally before you ask for her phone number. That will greatly increase the chances she will call you back. If a woman for whatever reason does not call you back, don’t take it personally. That happens to everyone. Just move on to meeting someone else. There’s always another woman to meet.

So are you a guy who believes that if you get a woman’s phone number that she is going to be your next girlfriend (or might even be “the one”)? Are you also a guy who believes that if that same woman doesn’t call you back that you must not have said the right thing when you approached her? If so, then you like so many men are very outcome dependent.

So many men perceive approaching a woman like a rite of passage which entitles them to favorable responses from the women they’ve approached. This is the outcome dependent mentality. It’s time to declare your outcome independence!

Understand that you may have to approach a lot of women before you find one who really relates to you. Also, the next time you walk up to a woman, don’t think about how badly you want to go out with her. Instead, get to know her first to see if you really do want to go out with her.