A post on morning wood by David Wygant

Recently I was listening to one of those bad morning shows on the radio. I’m not sure which one it was, but the disc jockeys were arguing about when it’s the best time to have sex. One of them said that he has a boner every morning, so he likes to have sex in the morning.

It’s funny. Just because you have a morning boner, doesn’t mean you have to use it. There are quite a few things you can do with a morning boner:

1. You can keep stabbing her in the lower back or her butt cheeks with it.

2. You can go to the bathroom but you better have good aim. If you’re standing up, then the morning boner may cause you to splash all over the toilet. If you’re sitting down, it may pop back up and cause you to urinate all over the other part of the bathroom floor.

3. Another great thing to do with a morning boner is to hang your girlfriend’s shorts from it like a hanger. Depending on the strength of the morning boner, you may be able to hang anything from a t-shirt to a flannel shirt from it depending on how strong it is. I suggest thin wire hangers for the morning boner . . . they weigh less.

4. You can just stand there and admire it like you used to do when you were a kid, and tell your girlfriend “Look at my boner!” For some reason, when men have a boner, they’re really proud of it. “Look honey . . . a boner!” It’s almost like they’ve never seen it before (or you’ve never seen it before).

But by saying to a woman “Look at my boner,” it’s really not the foreplay they’re looking for. If you’re a morning sex person, try turning her on her side and spooning her, slowly pressing your body and your boner against her back side. At the same time, start rubbing your hands on her front side. Rub her breasts, rub her neck, rub her stomach, rub her thighs . . . turn her on so she’ll want to indulge in your morning boner. Just because you have a boner, doesn’t give you license to screw.

There are some women who love a boner and will jump on that boner whenever that boner arises. Those women are called “boner babes.” I’ve dated a few “boner babes,” and they were a lot of fun. Whenever a boner rose to the occasion, they were ready to jump on and straddle the boner. The problem with the “boner babes” is that you usually get so exhausted that sometimes you need a break from your “boner babe.”

So the next time you wake up with a morning erection, think about these two things:

1. Be glad when your boner is functioning without Levitra or Viagra.
2. If your girlfriend is not a “boner babe,” try to seduce her into becoming a “boner babe.”

Enjoy your morning erection!